Re: [MOL] Imponderables - a little humor [03331] Medicine On Line


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Re: [MOL] Imponderables - a little humor



Dear Kathy,


thank you.

God Bless
marty

> kcorrigan@chgw.com wrote:
> 
> Dear Marty:  Those are great!  LOL  Kathy
> 
>      -----Original Message-----
>      From:   Martin Auslander [SMTP:fitecancer@earthlink.net]
>      Sent:   Friday, January 29, 1999 7:26 AM
>      To:     Medical On Line Forum
>      Cc:     Barbara Silverman; Bonnie Cohn; Carla/Ken Naehring; Carol
>      Sloan; Eric and Mary Gurien; james kissinger; Jo Ciaramitaro;
>      John Lehner; Kathy; Lillian; Nancy Postema; Paula serritella;
>      Wanda Harris
> 
>      Subject:        [MOL] Imponderables - a little humor
> 
>      Good Morning My FRiends,
> 
>      Thought you might enjoy the following:
> 
>      1. Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next
>      door
>      went nuts.
>      2. If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is
>      that
>      considered a hostage situation?
>      3. Just think how much deeper the ocean would be if sponges
>      didn't live
>      there.
>      4. If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?
>      5. Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?
>      7. I went for a walk last night, and my kids asked me how long
>      I'd be
>      gone. I said, "The whole time."
>      8. So what's the speed of dark?
>      9. How come you don't ever hear about gruntled employees? And who
>      has
>      been diss-ing them anyhow?
>      10. After eating, do amphibians need to wait an hour before
>      getting OUT
>      of the water?
>      11. Why don't they just make mouse-flavored cat food?
>      12. If you're sending someone some Styrofoam, what do you pack it
>      in?
>      13. I just got skylights put in my place. The people who live
>      above me
>      are furious.
>      14. Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?
>      15. Do they have reserved parking for non-handicapped people at
>      the
>      Special Olympics?
>      16. Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste
>      funny?
>      18. If it's tourist season, why can't we shoot them?
>      19. Isn't Disney World a people trap operated by a mouse?
>      20. Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in
>      it?
>      22. How come abbreviated is such a long word?
>      23. If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be
>      twice as
>      cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?
>      24. Why do you press harder on a remote-control when you know the
> 
>      battery is dead?
>      26. Why are they called buildings, when they're already finished?
> 
>      Shouldn't they be called builts?
>      27. Why are they called apartments, when they're all stuck
>      together?
>      28. Why do banks charge you a "non-sufficient funds fee" on money
>      they
>      already know you don't have?
>      29. If the universe is everything, and scientists say that the
>      universe
>      is expanding, what is it expanding into?
>      30. If you got into a taxi and the driver started driving
>      backward,
>      would the taxi driver end up owing you money?
>      31. What would a chair look like if your knees bent the other
>      way?
>      32. If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to see it,
>      do the
>      other trees make fun of it?
>      33. Why is a carrot more orange than an orange?
>      34. When two airplanes almost collide why do they call it a near
>      miss?
>      It sounds like a near hit to me!!
>      35. Do fish get cramps after eating?
>      36. Why are there 5 syllables in the word "monosyllabic"?
>      37. Why do they call it the Department of Interior when they are
>      in
>      charge of everything outdoors?
>      38. Why do scientists call it research when looking for something
>      new?
>      39. If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?
>      40. When I erase a word with a pencil, where does it go?
>      41. Why is it, when a door is open it's ajar, but when a jar is
>      open,
>      it's not a door?
>      42. Tell a man that there are 400 billion stars and he'll believe
>      you.
>      Tell him a bench has wet paint and he has to touch it.
>      43. How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but
>      always
>      ducked when someone threw a gun at him?
>      44. If "con" is the opposite of "pro," then what is the opposite
>      of
>      progress?
>      45. Why is it lemon juice contains mostly artificial ingredients,
>      but
>      dishwashing liquid contains real lemons?
>      46. Why buy a product that it takes 2000 flushes to get rid of?
>      47. Why do we wait until a pig is dead to "cure" it?
>      48. Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?
> 
>      49. Why do we put suits in a garment bag and put garments in a
>      suitcase?
>      50. Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
>      51. Do Roman paramedics refer to IV's as "4's"?
>      52. What do little birdies see when they get knocked unconscious?
> 
>      53. Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
>      54. If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have
>      monkeys
>      and apes?
>      55. Should you trust a stockbroker who's married to a travel
>      agent?
>      56. Is boneless chicken considered to be an invertebrate?
>      57. Do married people live longer than single people, or does it
>      just
>      SEEM longer?
>      58. I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the
>      self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the
>      purpose.
>      59. If all those psychics know the winning lottery numbers, why
>      are they
>      all still working?
>      60. Isn't the best way to save face to keep the lower part shut?
>      61. War doesn't determine who's right, just who's left.
> 
>      God Bless
>      marty auslander
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