Dear Kathy,
thank you.
God Bless
marty
> kcorrigan@chgw.com wrote:
>
> Dear Marty: Those are great! LOL Kathy
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: Martin Auslander [SMTP:fitecancer@earthlink.net]
> Sent: Friday, January 29, 1999 7:26 AM
> To: Medical On Line Forum
> Cc: Barbara Silverman; Bonnie Cohn; Carla/Ken Naehring; Carol
> Sloan; Eric and Mary Gurien; james kissinger; Jo Ciaramitaro;
> John Lehner; Kathy; Lillian; Nancy Postema; Paula serritella;
> Wanda Harris
>
> Subject: [MOL] Imponderables - a little humor
>
> Good Morning My FRiends,
>
> Thought you might enjoy the following:
>
> 1. Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next
> door
> went nuts.
> 2. If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is
> that
> considered a hostage situation?
> 3. Just think how much deeper the ocean would be if sponges
> didn't live
> there.
> 4. If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?
> 5. Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?
> 7. I went for a walk last night, and my kids asked me how long
> I'd be
> gone. I said, "The whole time."
> 8. So what's the speed of dark?
> 9. How come you don't ever hear about gruntled employees? And who
> has
> been diss-ing them anyhow?
> 10. After eating, do amphibians need to wait an hour before
> getting OUT
> of the water?
> 11. Why don't they just make mouse-flavored cat food?
> 12. If you're sending someone some Styrofoam, what do you pack it
> in?
> 13. I just got skylights put in my place. The people who live
> above me
> are furious.
> 14. Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?
> 15. Do they have reserved parking for non-handicapped people at
> the
> Special Olympics?
> 16. Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste
> funny?
> 18. If it's tourist season, why can't we shoot them?
> 19. Isn't Disney World a people trap operated by a mouse?
> 20. Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in
> it?
> 22. How come abbreviated is such a long word?
> 23. If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be
> twice as
> cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?
> 24. Why do you press harder on a remote-control when you know the
>
> battery is dead?
> 26. Why are they called buildings, when they're already finished?
>
> Shouldn't they be called builts?
> 27. Why are they called apartments, when they're all stuck
> together?
> 28. Why do banks charge you a "non-sufficient funds fee" on money
> they
> already know you don't have?
> 29. If the universe is everything, and scientists say that the
> universe
> is expanding, what is it expanding into?
> 30. If you got into a taxi and the driver started driving
> backward,
> would the taxi driver end up owing you money?
> 31. What would a chair look like if your knees bent the other
> way?
> 32. If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to see it,
> do the
> other trees make fun of it?
> 33. Why is a carrot more orange than an orange?
> 34. When two airplanes almost collide why do they call it a near
> miss?
> It sounds like a near hit to me!!
> 35. Do fish get cramps after eating?
> 36. Why are there 5 syllables in the word "monosyllabic"?
> 37. Why do they call it the Department of Interior when they are
> in
> charge of everything outdoors?
> 38. Why do scientists call it research when looking for something
> new?
> 39. If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?
> 40. When I erase a word with a pencil, where does it go?
> 41. Why is it, when a door is open it's ajar, but when a jar is
> open,
> it's not a door?
> 42. Tell a man that there are 400 billion stars and he'll believe
> you.
> Tell him a bench has wet paint and he has to touch it.
> 43. How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but
> always
> ducked when someone threw a gun at him?
> 44. If "con" is the opposite of "pro," then what is the opposite
> of
> progress?
> 45. Why is it lemon juice contains mostly artificial ingredients,
> but
> dishwashing liquid contains real lemons?
> 46. Why buy a product that it takes 2000 flushes to get rid of?
> 47. Why do we wait until a pig is dead to "cure" it?
> 48. Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?
>
> 49. Why do we put suits in a garment bag and put garments in a
> suitcase?
> 50. Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
> 51. Do Roman paramedics refer to IV's as "4's"?
> 52. What do little birdies see when they get knocked unconscious?
>
> 53. Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
> 54. If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have
> monkeys
> and apes?
> 55. Should you trust a stockbroker who's married to a travel
> agent?
> 56. Is boneless chicken considered to be an invertebrate?
> 57. Do married people live longer than single people, or does it
> just
> SEEM longer?
> 58. I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the
> self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the
> purpose.
> 59. If all those psychics know the winning lottery numbers, why
> are they
> all still working?
> 60. Isn't the best way to save face to keep the lower part shut?
> 61. War doesn't determine who's right, just who's left.
>
> God Bless
> marty auslander
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