[MOL] for coffee lovers... [00561] Medicine On Line


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[MOL] for coffee lovers...



COFFEEEEEEEEEE

You know you drink too much coffee when...

 * Juan Valdez named his donkey after you.
 * You ski uphill.
 * You get a speeding ticket even when you're parked.
 * You speed walk in your sleep.
 * You have a bumper sticker that says: "Coffee drinkers are
    good in the sack."
 * You answer the door before people knock.
 * You haven't blinked since the last lunar eclipse.
 * You just completed another sweater and you don't know
   how to knit.
 * You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.
 * You sleep with your eyes open.
 * You have to watch videos in fast-forward.
 * The only time you're standing still is during an earthquake.
 * You can take a picture of yourself from ten feet away
   without using the timer.
 * You lick your coffeepot clean.
 * You spend every vacation visiting "Maxwell House."
 * You're the employee of the month at the local coffeehouse
   and you don't even work there.
 * You've worn out your third pair of tennis shoes this week.
 * Your eyes stay open when you sneeze.
 * You chew on other people's fingernails.
 * The nurse needs a scientific calculator to take your pulse.
 * You're so jittery that people use your hands to blend their
   margaritas.
 * You can type sixty words per minute with your feet.
 * You can jump-start your car without cables.
 * Cocaine is a downer.
 * All your kids are named "Joe."
 * You don't need a hammer to pound in nails.
 * Your only source of nutrition comes from "Sweet & Low."
 * You don't sweat, you percolate.
 * You buy milk by the barrel.
 * You've worn out the handle on your favorite mug.
 * You go to AA meetings just for the free coffee.
 * You walk twenty miles on your treadmill before you realize
   it's not plugged in.
 * You forget to unwrap candy bars before eating them.
 * You've built a miniature city out of little plastic
  stirrers.
 * People get dizzy just watching you.
 * When you find a penny, you say, "Find a penny, pick it
   up. Sixty-three more, I'll have a cup."
 * You've worn the finish off your coffee table.
 * The Taster's Choice couple wants to adopt you.
 * Starbucks owns the mortgage on your house.
 * Your taste buds are so numb you could drink your lava
   lamp.
 * You're so wired, you pick up FM radio.
 * People can test their batteries in your ears.
 * Your life's goal IS to "amount to a hill of beans."
 * Instant coffee takes too long.
 * You channel surf faster without a remote.
 * When someone says. "How are you?", you say, "Good to
   the last drop."
 * You want to be cremated just so you can spend the rest
   of eternity in a coffee can.
 * You want to come back as a coffee mug in your next life.
 * Your birthday is a national holiday in Brazil.
 * You'd be willing to spend time in a Turkish prison.
 * You go to sleep just so you can wake up and smell the
   coffee.
 * You're offended when people use the word "brew" to mean
   beer.
 * You name your cats "Cream" and "Sugar."
 * You get drunk just so you can sober up.
 * You speak perfect Arabic without ever taking a lesson.
 * Your Thermos is on wheels.
 * Your lips are permanently stuck in the sipping position.
 * You have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug.
 * You can outlast the Energizer bunny.
 * You short out motion detectors.
 * You have a conniption over spilled milk.
 * You don't even wait for the water to boil anymore.
 * Your nervous twitch registers on the Richter scale.
 * You think being called a "drip" is a compliment.
 * You don't tan, you roast.
 * You don't get mad, you get steamed.
 * Your three favorite things in life are...coffee before and
   coffee after.
 * Your lover uses soft lights, romantic music, and a glass
   of iced coffee to get you in the mood.
 * You can't even remember your second cup.
 * You help your dog chase its tail.
 * You soak your dentures in coffee overnight.
 * Your coffee mug is insured by Lloyds of London.
 * You introduce your spouse as your "Coffeemate."
 * You think CPR stands for "Coffee Provides Resuscitation."
 * Your first-aid kit contains two pints of coffee with an
   I.V. hookup.

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