Donna, so glad to hear the details of what you are going through.. It makes
it easier to understand... I don't know that I am a good one to listen to
as I share my reasoning for not having chemo.. I just plainly couldn't do
it and I prayed and prayed and the answer was no for me. Now why did I get
that as an answer?? To be honest, I knew that it could be because a) I
didn't need it and/or b) it wouldn't be effective for me. I obviously am
prefering the a) answer!!
I was told by so many what they would do in my shoes and I will share that
with you.. Everyone that I know that has never had cancer, would have had the
chemo as follow-up. I think that it is very effective and definitely has a
place for most people... I just couldn't come to terms with it for me. All
I could see was my immune system being destroyed and that frightened me and I
felt that if I did destroy it, then I would be destroyed.
Another friend who used to be on this forum, her name is Barbara.. she felt
the same way.. Well, within a few months after her surgery she was diagnosed as
having metastases to the brain at a top cancer hospital. Then she was
really sorry that she hadn't had the chemo done. It turns out that they
misdiagnosed that one, but she did have chemo and she felt better for
it... I was so scared when I learned this from her. All I could
think of was how stupid I was.. It was like I relived my mortality again
through Barbara.. She is doing very well right now and has been through
some additional surgery for an old metastses that they determined was there at
the time of her first surgery and the good news was that the chemo kept it from
growing...She will be at the reunion for molers in September...
You also asked if I had pain before.. The truth is that I don't
know.. I had an antique mall and I lifted alot of furniture and moved alot
by myself.. so I also ached a bit here and there. The tumor took about 3
to 3 1/2 years to grow to the size it was when it was removed. I had
closed my store down as we were moving and I decided to give myself a break and
focus on that.. Well, I worked 14-16 hours a day packing for 3 weeks and I sure
ached with that...!! LOL!!
I am allergic to mold and mildew and our house was built in 1883 and I
spent alot of time in the old stone basement packing the tons of things I had
stored.. I thought that I had a cold/flu when it became obvious after the move
that I felt worse each day.. 8 days after we moved here, I
couldn't work anymore and went to see the doctor.. Like many who have
shared their story here; they thought it could be treated with anti-biotics and
they didn't work and they gave me different anti-biotics and they didn't work
and by then I had been flat on the couch for 2 weeks... So finally a chest
ex-ray and KABOOM!! The rest you know..
Having made the decision to believe in the answer to my prayers and not
have chemo has left me in a position to often defend the choice of the patient,
if they have full information.. rather than the position of the
loved one or doctors.. I think that a well educated cancering survivor
must work withing the realm of what they believe in. If we don't then we
have defeated ourselves and a part of the cancering journey... I would
never tell anyone else what to choose. I am glad to see that you are
reading alot and with knowledge and faith... you will have a guide..
Well, I am off for now... God Bless you and I and many others are
here for you and praying for you... Stay focused and live each day the
very best that you can... Love, Carla
