Loved these! So funny!
> > Enjoy. From a little book called "Disorder in the Court." They are
> things
> >people actually said in court, word for word. Some have been around
> before,
> >but most are new to me anyway.
> >
> > Q: What is your date of birth?
> > A: July fifteenth.
> > Q: What year?
> > A: Every year.
> >
> > Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
> > A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
> >
> > Q: This myasthenia gravis -- does it affect your memory at all?
> > A: Yes.
> > Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
> > A: I forget.
> > Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've
> > forgotten?
> >
> > Q: How old is your son -- the one living with you.
> > A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
> > Q: How long has he lived with you?
> > A: Forty-five years.
> >
> > Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that
> > morning?
> > A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
> > Q: And why did that upset you?
> > A: My name is Susan.
> >
> > Q: And where was the location of the accident?
> > A: Approximately milepost 499.
> > Q: And where is milepost 499?
> > A: Probably between milepost 498 and 500.
> >
> > Q: Sir, what is your IQ?
> > A: Well, I can see pretty well, I think.
> >
> > Q: Did you blow your horn or anything?
> > A: After the accident?
> > Q: Before the accident.
> > A: Sure, I played for ten years. I even went to school for it.
> >
> > Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in the voodoo or
> > occult?
> > A: We both do.
> > Q: Voodoo?
> > A: We do.
> > Q: You do?
> > A: Yes, voodoo.
> >
> > Q: Trooper, when you stopped the defendant, were your red and blue
> > lights
> > flashing?
> > A: Yes.
> > Q: Did the defendant say anything when she got out of her car?
> > A: Yes, sir.
> > Q: What did she say?
> > A: What disco am I at?
> >
> > Recently reported in the Massachusetts Bar Association Lawyers
> > journal, the following are questions actually asked of witnesses by
> > attorneys during trials and, in certain cases, the responses given by
> > insightful witnesses:
> >
> > Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he
> > doesn't know about it until the next morning?
> >
> > Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?
> >
> > Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?
> >
> > Q: Was it you or your younger brother who was killed in the war?
> >
> > Q: Did he kill you?
> >
> > Q: How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?
> >
> > Q: You were there until the time you left, is that true?
> >
> > Q: How many times have you committed suicide?
> >
> >
> > Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
> > A: Yes.
> > Q: And what were you doing at that time?
> >
> > Q: She had three children, right?
> > A: Yes.
> > Q: How many were boys?
> > A: None.
> > Q: Were there any girls?
> >
> > Q: You say the stairs went down to the basement?
> > A: Yes.
> > Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?
> >
> > Q: Mr. Slatery, you went on a rather elaborate honeymoon, didn't you?
> > A: I went to Europe, Sir.
> > Q: And you took your new wife?
> >
> > Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
> > A: By death.
> > Q: And by whose death was it terminated?
> >
> > Q: Can you describe the individual?
> > A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
> > Q: Was this a male, or a female?
> >
> > Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice
> > which I sent to your attorney?
> > A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
> >
> > Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
> > A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
> >
> > Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
> > A: Oral.
> >
> > Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
> > A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
> > Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
> > A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an
> autopsy.
> >
> > Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
> >
> > Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
> > A: No.
> > Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
> > A: No.
> > Q: Did you check for breathing?
> > A: No.
> > Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began
> the
> > autopsy?
> > A: No.
> > Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
> > A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
> > Q: But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?
> > A: It is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law
> > somewhere.
> >
> > Q: You were not shot in the fracas?
> > A: No, I was shot midway between the fracas and the navel >>
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