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Date: Thursday, July 30, 1998 6:02 PM
Subject: laugh out loud!
>
> Enjoy. From a little book called "Disorder in the Court." They are
things
>people actually said in court, word for word. Some have been around
before,
>but most are new to me anyway.
>
> Q: What is your date of birth?
> A: July fifteenth.
> Q: What year?
> A: Every year.
>
> Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
> A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
>
> Q: This myasthenia gravis -- does it affect your memory at all?
> A: Yes.
> Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
> A: I forget.
> Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've
> forgotten?
>
> Q: How old is your son -- the one living with you.
> A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
> Q: How long has he lived with you?
> A: Forty-five years.
>
> Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that
> morning?
> A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
> Q: And why did that upset you?
> A: My name is Susan.
>
> Q: And where was the location of the accident?
> A: Approximately milepost 499.
> Q: And where is milepost 499?
> A: Probably between milepost 498 and 500.
>
> Q: Sir, what is your IQ?
> A: Well, I can see pretty well, I think.
>
> Q: Did you blow your horn or anything?
> A: After the accident?
> Q: Before the accident.
> A: Sure, I played for ten years. I even went to school for it.
>
> Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in the voodoo or
> occult?
> A: We both do.
> Q: Voodoo?
> A: We do.
> Q: You do?
> A: Yes, voodoo.
>
> Q: Trooper, when you stopped the defendant, were your red and blue
> lights
> flashing?
> A: Yes.
> Q: Did the defendant say anything when she got out of her car?
> A: Yes, sir.
> Q: What did she say?
> A: What disco am I at?
>
> Recently reported in the Massachusetts Bar Association Lawyers
> journal, the following are questions actually asked of witnesses by
> attorneys during trials and, in certain cases, the responses given by
> insightful witnesses:
>
> Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he
> doesn't know about it until the next morning?
>
> Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?
>
> Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?
>
> Q: Was it you or your younger brother who was killed in the war?
>
> Q: Did he kill you?
>
> Q: How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?
>
> Q: You were there until the time you left, is that true?
>
> Q: How many times have you committed suicide?
>
>
> Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
> A: Yes.
> Q: And what were you doing at that time?
>
> Q: She had three children, right?
> A: Yes.
> Q: How many were boys?
> A: None.
> Q: Were there any girls?
>
> Q: You say the stairs went down to the basement?
> A: Yes.
> Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?
>
> Q: Mr. Slatery, you went on a rather elaborate honeymoon, didn't you?
> A: I went to Europe, Sir.
> Q: And you took your new wife?
>
> Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
> A: By death.
> Q: And by whose death was it terminated?
>
> Q: Can you describe the individual?
> A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
> Q: Was this a male, or a female?
>
> Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice
> which I sent to your attorney?
> A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
>
> Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
> A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
>
> Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
> A: Oral.
>
> Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
> A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
> Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
> A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an
autopsy.
>
> Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
>
> Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
> A: No.
> Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
> A: No.
> Q: Did you check for breathing?
> A: No.
> Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began
the
> autopsy?
> A: No.
> Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
> A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
> Q: But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?
> A: It is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law
> somewhere.
>
> Q: You were not shot in the fracas?
> A: No, I was shot midway between the fracas and the navel >>
>
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