[MOL] Fw: laugh out loud! [13441] Medicine On Line


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[MOL] Fw: laugh out loud!




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Date: Thursday, July 30, 1998 6:02 PM
Subject: laugh out loud!


>
>  Enjoy.  From a little book called "Disorder in the  Court."  They are
things
>people actually said in court, word for word.  Some have been around
before,
>but most are new to me anyway.
>
>   Q:  What is your date of birth?
>   A:  July fifteenth.
>   Q:  What year?
>   A:  Every year.
>
>   Q:  What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
>   A:  Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
>
>   Q:  This myasthenia gravis -- does it affect your memory at all?
>   A:  Yes.
>   Q:  And in what ways does it affect your memory?
>   A:  I forget.
>   Q:  You forget.  Can you give us an example of something that you've
>   forgotten?
>
>   Q:  How old is your son -- the one living with you.
>   A:  Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
>   Q:  How long has he lived with you?
>   A:  Forty-five years.
>
>   Q:  What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that
>   morning?
>   A:  He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
>   Q:  And why did that upset you?
>   A:  My name is Susan.
>
>   Q:  And where was the location of the accident?
>   A:  Approximately milepost 499.
>   Q:  And where is milepost 499?
>   A:  Probably between milepost 498 and 500.
>
>   Q:  Sir, what is your IQ?
>   A:  Well, I can see pretty well, I think.
>
>   Q:  Did you blow your horn or anything?
>   A:  After the accident?
>   Q:  Before the accident.
>   A:  Sure, I played for ten years. I even went to school for it.
>
>   Q:  Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in the voodoo or
>   occult?
>   A:  We both do.
>   Q:  Voodoo?
>   A:  We do.
>   Q:  You do?
>   A:  Yes, voodoo.
>
>   Q:  Trooper, when you stopped the defendant, were your red and blue
>   lights
>   flashing?
>   A:  Yes.
>   Q:  Did the defendant say anything when she got out of her car?
>   A:  Yes, sir.
>   Q:  What did she say?
>   A:  What disco am I at?
>
>   Recently reported in the Massachusetts Bar Association Lawyers
>   journal, the following are questions actually asked of witnesses by
>   attorneys during trials and, in certain cases, the responses given by
>   insightful witnesses:
>
>   Q:  Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he
>   doesn't know about it until the next morning?
>
>   Q:  The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?
>
>   Q:  Were you present when your picture was taken?
>
>   Q:  Was it you or your younger brother who was killed in the war?
>
>   Q:  Did he kill you?
>
>   Q:  How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?
>
>   Q:  You were there until the time you left, is that true?
>
>   Q:  How many times have you committed suicide?
>
>
>   Q:  So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
>   A:  Yes.
>   Q:  And what were you doing at that time?
>
>   Q:  She had three children, right?
>   A:  Yes.
>   Q:  How many were boys?
>   A:  None.
>   Q:  Were there any girls?
>
>   Q:  You say the stairs went down to the basement?
>   A:  Yes.
>   Q:  And these stairs, did they go up also?
>
>   Q:  Mr. Slatery, you went on a rather elaborate honeymoon, didn't you?
>   A:  I went to Europe, Sir.
>   Q:  And you took your new wife?
>
>   Q:  How was your first marriage terminated?
>   A:  By death.
>   Q:  And by whose death was it terminated?
>
>   Q:  Can you describe the individual?
>   A:  He was about medium height and had a beard.
>   Q:  Was this a male, or a female?
>
>   Q:  Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice
>   which I sent to your attorney?
>   A:  No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
>
>   Q:  Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
>   A:  All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
>
>   Q:  All your responses must be oral, OK?  What school did you go to?
>   A:  Oral.
>
>   Q:  Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
>   A:  The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
>   Q:  And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
>   A:  No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an
autopsy.
>
>   Q:  Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
>
>   Q:  Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
>   A:  No.
>   Q:  Did you check for blood pressure?
>   A:  No.
>   Q:  Did you check for breathing?
>   A:  No.
>   Q:  So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began
the
>   autopsy?
>   A:  No.
>   Q:  How can you be so sure, Doctor?
>   A:  Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
>   Q:  But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?
>   A:  It is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law
>   somewhere.
>
>   Q:  You were not shot in the fracas?
>   A:  No, I was shot midway between the fracas and the navel  >>
>

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