Re: [MOL] Marital Compromises and values [13389] Medicine On Line


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Re: [MOL] Marital Compromises and values



Dear Sheila,

People that come from broken homes where they do not have the great
fortune, as Barb and I from our parents, and grow up to be like you and
your hubby are more special in many ways, because you experience both
sides of life, the good and the bad and when you can give back to the
community as you just did in your message with a full heart and love,
then that to me is special. Thank you for your heartfelt note.

God Bless
marty auslander

John & Sheila Lloyd wrote:
> 
> You guys are so wonderful.  I feel very lucky to have John in my life.  He is
> loving, sensitive, and supportative.  He was my rock, while we were dealing with
> my dad.  He is still helping me with my grief, and trying to get me to talk
> more.  I feel very blessed.  This is my first marriage and it is nothing like my
> parents'.  They both drank, fought, argued, and it was just awful.  We have had
> a few fights, but not very many.  We have disagreements, but we talk them out.
> I have found that trust, communication, and caring, are the secrets to a good
> marriage.  Oh, and not trying to change the other person, accepting them excatly
> as they are.  Not neccessarily liking everything about them, but accepting
> everything about them.  In my first relationship all I did was try to mold him
> into what I thought he should be.  Needless to say, it didn't work out.  LOL   I
> was always scared that I was destined to have the same type of relationship as
> my parents, ten years in a twelve step program, taught me that I am my own
> person, and I don't have to let my past become my present and my future.  I do
> have the power to change......myself, and I am learning to have acceptance for
> the things I cannot change............it is just the wisdom to know the
> difference that gets me sometimes.  LOL   I sure do love you guys.
> 
> And I just had to put my two cents in.
> 
> Sheila
> 
> Joicy Becker-Richards wrote:
> 
> > It's so sad, Christine, because people don't realize that this early
> > faze is just infatuation, not love. They've done studies that show that
> > we experience a chemical reaction in the infatuation phase that is like
> > a drug in our system. And many people get addicted to the "high," and
> > keep switching relationships to keep the high going, because like drugs,
> > your body builds a tolerance to it. The irony is that real love doesn't
> > start until you get PAST the infatuation. And if you're used to rocky
> > relationships, a good relationship doesn't feel "natural" or familiar,
> > and love isn't what we think it is.
> >
> > With my track record (I could probably write the book on bad
> > relationships! LOL!) I didn't think I would ever get it right. And then
> > there I am training to be a pastor who will do pre-marital counseling
> > (God DOES have a sense of humor!LOL!) But in one of my classes, the prof
> > said, "you know, the problem is that we get folks too late in the
> > relationship to do any good -- the patterns are already set." A little
> > light bulb went off in my head, and I decided that 1. I was going to
> > pick the man in my life, based on what was really important, and 2. we
> > would get into couples counseling early in the relationship. And I did
> > both, we've been married five years, and it just gets better. My prayer
> > is that it didn't happen too late for my kids to benefit -- they're 19
> > and 21, and love Tim, and love our marriage, but who knows!
> >
> > By the way, loved the picture of you and your kids! Beautiful!! Love,
> > Joicy
> >
> > Christine wrote:
> > >
> > > Lovely letter joicy. You have such a way with words. We seem to share the
> > > same philosophy. Another point about buying into T.V. and movie models of
> > > romance is that they often show the beginning of a relationship when
> > > everything is exciting and new, filled with passion. That feeling doesn't
> > > last but is replaced with a deeper feeling of mutual respect, commitment,
> > > companionship, etc. You get the point. Often people feel that once that
> > > initial thrill is gone, love is gone. People are too quick to throw in the
> > > towel and don't know what they are missing.
> > > Christine
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