Re: [MOL] Marital Compromises and values [13341] Medicine On Line


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Re: [MOL] Marital Compromises and values



And a great two cents worth it was. I think you are underpaying yourself.
Christine

At 09:17 AM 29/07/98 -0500, you wrote:
>You guys are so wonderful.  I feel very lucky to have John in my life.  He is
>loving, sensitive, and supportative.  He was my rock, while we were
dealing with
>my dad.  He is still helping me with my grief, and trying to get me to talk
>more.  I feel very blessed.  This is my first marriage and it is nothing
like my
>parents'.  They both drank, fought, argued, and it was just awful.  We
have had
>a few fights, but not very many.  We have disagreements, but we talk them
out.
>I have found that trust, communication, and caring, are the secrets to a good
>marriage.  Oh, and not trying to change the other person, accepting them
excatly
>as they are.  Not neccessarily liking everything about them, but accepting
>everything about them.  In my first relationship all I did was try to mold
him
>into what I thought he should be.  Needless to say, it didn't work out.
LOL   I
>was always scared that I was destined to have the same type of
relationship as
>my parents, ten years in a twelve step program, taught me that I am my own
>person, and I don't have to let my past become my present and my future.
I do
>have the power to change......myself, and I am learning to have acceptance
for
>the things I cannot change............it is just the wisdom to know the
>difference that gets me sometimes.  LOL   I sure do love you guys.
>
>And I just had to put my two cents in.
>
>Sheila
>
>
>
>
>Joicy Becker-Richards wrote:
>
>> It's so sad, Christine, because people don't realize that this early
>> faze is just infatuation, not love. They've done studies that show that
>> we experience a chemical reaction in the infatuation phase that is like
>> a drug in our system. And many people get addicted to the "high," and
>> keep switching relationships to keep the high going, because like drugs,
>> your body builds a tolerance to it. The irony is that real love doesn't
>> start until you get PAST the infatuation. And if you're used to rocky
>> relationships, a good relationship doesn't feel "natural" or familiar,
>> and love isn't what we think it is.
>>
>> With my track record (I could probably write the book on bad
>> relationships! LOL!) I didn't think I would ever get it right. And then
>> there I am training to be a pastor who will do pre-marital counseling
>> (God DOES have a sense of humor!LOL!) But in one of my classes, the prof
>> said, "you know, the problem is that we get folks too late in the
>> relationship to do any good -- the patterns are already set." A little
>> light bulb went off in my head, and I decided that 1. I was going to
>> pick the man in my life, based on what was really important, and 2. we
>> would get into couples counseling early in the relationship. And I did
>> both, we've been married five years, and it just gets better. My prayer
>> is that it didn't happen too late for my kids to benefit -- they're 19
>> and 21, and love Tim, and love our marriage, but who knows!
>>
>> By the way, loved the picture of you and your kids! Beautiful!! Love,
>> Joicy
>>
>> Christine wrote:
>> >
>> > Lovely letter joicy. You have such a way with words. We seem to share the
>> > same philosophy. Another point about buying into T.V. and movie models of
>> > romance is that they often show the beginning of a relationship when
>> > everything is exciting and new, filled with passion. That feeling doesn't
>> > last but is replaced with a deeper feeling of mutual respect, commitment,
>> > companionship, etc. You get the point. Often people feel that once that
>> > initial thrill is gone, love is gone. People are too quick to throw in
the
>> > towel and don't know what they are missing.
>> > Christine
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