Re: [MOL] Marital Compromises and values [13324] Medicine On Line


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Re: [MOL] Marital Compromises and values



Sheila,
That "wisdom to know the difference" trips me up, too - so don't feel bad
about it.  Hang in there.  My heart really goes out to you right now. 
It's always had to lose someone you love.  Your husband sounds like a
great guy (and he is very fortunate to have  you, too!)  
-Jean

On Wed, 29 Jul 1998 09:17:54 -0500 John & Sheila Lloyd
<tagteam@swbell.net> writes:
>You guys are so wonderful.  I feel very lucky to have John in my life. 
> He is
>loving, sensitive, and supportative.  He was my rock, while we were 
>dealing with
>my dad.  He is still helping me with my grief, and trying to get me to 
>talk
>more.  I feel very blessed.  This is my first marriage and it is 
>nothing like my
>parents'.  They both drank, fought, argued, and it was just awful.  We 
>have had
>a few fights, but not very many.  We have disagreements, but we talk 
>them out.
>I have found that trust, communication, and caring, are the secrets to 
>a good
>marriage.  Oh, and not trying to change the other person, accepting 
>them excatly
>as they are.  Not neccessarily liking everything about them, but 
>accepting
>everything about them.  In my first relationship all I did was try to 
>mold him
>into what I thought he should be.  Needless to say, it didn't work 
>out.  LOL   I
>was always scared that I was destined to have the same type of 
>relationship as
>my parents, ten years in a twelve step program, taught me that I am my 
>own
>person, and I don't have to let my past become my present and my 
>future.  I do
>have the power to change......myself, and I am learning to have 
>acceptance for
>the things I cannot change............it is just the wisdom to know 
>the
>difference that gets me sometimes.  LOL   I sure do love you guys.
>
>And I just had to put my two cents in.
>
>Sheila
>
>
>
>
>Joicy Becker-Richards wrote:
>
>> It's so sad, Christine, because people don't realize that this early
>> faze is just infatuation, not love. They've done studies that show 
>that
>> we experience a chemical reaction in the infatuation phase that is 
>like
>> a drug in our system. And many people get addicted to the "high," 
>and
>> keep switching relationships to keep the high going, because like 
>drugs,
>> your body builds a tolerance to it. The irony is that real love 
>doesn't
>> start until you get PAST the infatuation. And if you're used to 
>rocky
>> relationships, a good relationship doesn't feel "natural" or 
>familiar,
>> and love isn't what we think it is.
>>
>> With my track record (I could probably write the book on bad
>> relationships! LOL!) I didn't think I would ever get it right. And 
>then
>> there I am training to be a pastor who will do pre-marital 
>counseling
>> (God DOES have a sense of humor!LOL!) But in one of my classes, the 
>prof
>> said, "you know, the problem is that we get folks too late in the
>> relationship to do any good -- the patterns are already set." A 
>little
>> light bulb went off in my head, and I decided that 1. I was going to
>> pick the man in my life, based on what was really important, and 2. 
>we
>> would get into couples counseling early in the relationship. And I 
>did
>> both, we've been married five years, and it just gets better. My 
>prayer
>> is that it didn't happen too late for my kids to benefit -- they're 
>19
>> and 21, and love Tim, and love our marriage, but who knows!
>>
>> By the way, loved the picture of you and your kids! Beautiful!! 
>Love,
>> Joicy
>>
>> Christine wrote:
>> >
>> > Lovely letter joicy. You have such a way with words. We seem to 
>share the
>> > same philosophy. Another point about buying into T.V. and movie 
>models of
>> > romance is that they often show the beginning of a relationship 
>when
>> > everything is exciting and new, filled with passion. That feeling 
>doesn't
>> > last but is replaced with a deeper feeling of mutual respect, 
>commitment,
>> > companionship, etc. You get the point. Often people feel that once 
>that
>> > initial thrill is gone, love is gone. People are too quick to 
>throw in the
>> > towel and don't know what they are missing.
>> > Christine
>> 
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