Re: [MOL] Marital Compromises and values [13318] Medicine On Line


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Re: [MOL] Marital Compromises and values



Dear Joicy,

I must say that Barb and I were brought up under the conditions and
circumstances of what every child must and should have....love and
discipline. Realizing that children are a 100% commitment, nothing less.
Barb and I were blessed. I am so sad to see those values and commitments
are lost in this generation. I dread what the next generation
experiences, and yet I am a very very positive and hopeful individual,
so ....I see that life and history runs in cycles, and see us on the
downside of the cycle, therefore, the cycle or pendulum should swing to
good things in the next millenium. I pray for that. I am also thankful
that your marriage is one of equality, love, and comraderie.

God Bless
marty auslander

Joicy Becker-Richards wrote:
> 
> Marty and Ross, I appreciate your raising these issues...my first
> marriage  was absolute HELL, and I am amazed and appreciative every day
> that I am now married to a a man who is gentle and caring. We never
> fight -- don't have to, because we're both grown-ups who trust each
> other, go the extra mile for each other, and aim for consensus on the
> "big" decisions, and give each other space on the little ones. When you
> KNOW that this other person really wants the best for you, and you for
> him, you see everything differently, and normal annoying stuff is
> insignificant in contrast to incredible the kindnesses this person
> shows.
> 
> As I write this, this dear man is making me dinner. We are having our
> house painted and  Sunday I told him I would love to have it done in a
> colonial grey, like a particular house in Princeton that I have admired
> for years. When he said he didn't really care for grey, I suggested we
> wait, then, until we found a color we both like. Soon after, he went out
> to "run some errands," and came back with a few paint chips that had
> peeled off the house I like, and said, "let's do it, I think it will
> look nice." I melted and fell in love all over again! (And I do nice
> things for him, too, in case you're wondering! LOL)
> 
> And Ross, you are so wise with your children! I have one in particular
> who tends to be headstrong, and I realized early that I better pick my
> battles. It's paid off big-time. "Don't sweat the small stuff" is
> wonderful advise for ALL relationships, really (love the book by the
> same name, and the 2nd one, "Don't sweat the small stuff for families").
> 
> But one of the problems is role models. If you've grown up in a
> disfunctional family (as many of us have), and/or you buy into tv and
> movie models of romance and family, you grow up thinking turmoil is the
> way it's supposed to be -- that love is supposed to be painful, and
> fighting and abuse = passion, and possesiveness = love, etc. You live
> what you know, and it takes hard work to find alternatives. And the
> greatest tragedy is that all this pain can be prevented. Somehow we have
> to change that. Love, Joicy
> 
> Ross Ylitalo wrote:
> >
> > Lil, Marty,
> >
> > I'm enjoying your discussion, and my thought was not
> > only do these things hold true between spouses, but
> > between parents and children.
> >
> > One way that I think I've matured emotionally, with the
> > help of Cancer, is now when I'm babysitting and find
> > the boys outside in their stocking feet, stomping through
> > mud-puddles, I'm a lot less apt to go on a rampage,
> > trying to teach weird concepts like normalcy to little boys.
> > One thing I hear myself saying, which I never heard
> > myself saying before, is "don't sweat the small stuff."
> >
> > That little saying has brought me a lot of peace and
> > quiet.  I might someday start a philosophy, maybe
> > I'll call it "DOSEMFF" (Don't Sweat the Small Stuff.)
> >
> > Ross
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