Re: [MOL] Marital Compromises and values [13309] Medicine On Line


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Re: [MOL] Marital Compromises and values



That "high" sure is a nice feeling (been so long, not sure I remember it).
I think my sister might have you beat on bad relationships. She split up
with her 4th husband last year and has had several other bad relationships
in between and during her marriages. Now she has gotten involved with
someone over the internet. She is flying to Alabama on Thursday to meet
him. If anyone is addicted to infatuation, it has to be her. I have tried
talking to her, to no avail. She confided in my minister (neighbour) who at
least got her to check him out, through his church, masons, etc. He is 13
yrs younger than her and lives with his mother. Need I say more. Sorry to
ramble, but I am just so upset with my sister and this is a big part of it.
I'm so happy for you that you broke the cycle and have such a loving
partner and relationship. There have been so many wise letters from MOL, I
think we should start our own counselling service. LOL.
Christine
At 10:51 PM 28/07/98 -0400, you wrote:
>It's so sad, Christine, because people don't realize that this early
>faze is just infatuation, not love. They've done studies that show that
>we experience a chemical reaction in the infatuation phase that is like
>a drug in our system. And many people get addicted to the "high," and
>keep switching relationships to keep the high going, because like drugs,
>your body builds a tolerance to it. The irony is that real love doesn't
>start until you get PAST the infatuation. And if you're used to rocky
>relationships, a good relationship doesn't feel "natural" or familiar,
>and love isn't what we think it is. 
>
>With my track record (I could probably write the book on bad
>relationships! LOL!) I didn't think I would ever get it right. And then
>there I am training to be a pastor who will do pre-marital counseling
>(God DOES have a sense of humor!LOL!) But in one of my classes, the prof
>said, "you know, the problem is that we get folks too late in the
>relationship to do any good -- the patterns are already set." A little
>light bulb went off in my head, and I decided that 1. I was going to
>pick the man in my life, based on what was really important, and 2. we
>would get into couples counseling early in the relationship. And I did
>both, we've been married five years, and it just gets better. My prayer
>is that it didn't happen too late for my kids to benefit -- they're 19
>and 21, and love Tim, and love our marriage, but who knows! 
>
>By the way, loved the picture of you and your kids! Beautiful!! Love,
>Joicy
>
>Christine wrote:
>> 
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