Re: [MOL] Marital Compromises and values [13267] Medicine On Line


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Re: [MOL] Marital Compromises and values



Jean, have I told you how much I appreciate your sharing as you do? I
see a lot of my own past in many of your postings, but girlfriend, look
at us now!!! we're living proof that people can change and break
distructive patterns. my prayer is that we can break the pattrns for our
children, and their children...Love, joicy

Thomas A Johnson wrote:
> 
> Joicy,
> You're absolutely right!  And we tend to repeat the patterns with which
> we grew up.  My very first meaningful relationship was with a guy who
> sometimes got drunk (scared the heck out of me once!), took pot, and was
> a workaholic - similar to my dad (only dad didn't do pot).  I didn't do
> drugs, drink, or work too much.  And I was so used to being pushed away
> by my dad and having to fight for love and attention that I sought out
> someone who did the same thing to me.  He was my very first sexual
> relationship, too (in my 20's!).  We had a true love/hate, on again/off
> again relationship because I swore to myself I would not fail at marriage
> (love) like my parents had, that I would love someone no matter what -
> just like in the romance novels, just like in the movies, etc.   Big
> mistake.  When looking for real love, it's important to look for
> compatibility, mutual respect, security, laughter, the same values that
> are dear to you, etc.   It's also important to realize that two people
> can be nice and have a strong attraction for each other, but they can
> still be incompatible and no amoung of wishing will change that,
> especially if the other person doesn't want to change.  And I was
> insecure, jealous, etc. - just waiting, I guess, for him to let me down,
> as everyone else in my life had let me down before - to prove again that
> I was unworthy of real love, because I couldn't accept my worth myself.
> Fortunately, I learned through the counseling that (1) I am worthy, and
> (2) I shouldn't accept less than the above - and I finally found such a
> guy.  He'll never be the Lonthario (sp?) I always read about in romance
> novels (he grew up in an emotionally restrained type of home), but he
> loves me and he'll be there to support me, laugh with me, cry with me,
> etc., every day.  And he can tell me that he loves me and mean it, unlike
> the old boyfriend who was always wishing he had the type of girl he'd
> once lost.  That counts for a lot.  After my first boyfriend lost me,
> oddly enough he regretted it and began trying to find someone else like
> me, so the pattern continued with him, huh?  Sort of stresses the glass
> full vs. glass empty theory, huh?  Release what you don't have and
> treasure what you do have.  People who don't, lead emptier lives.  True
> love is not always trying to change the other person to be something
> you'd wish them to be.
> -Jean
> P.S. to Joicy:  You're right.  After you've travelled a rough road, it is
> extra important to count your blessings and be grateful you were pulled
> out of those situations.  I've been rescued twice - at least - and I am
> truly, truly grateful for it.  My mother still says it's a miracle we
> survived the situation with dad.  And I thank God I got out of the
> relationship with my former boyfriend and didn't end up pregnant like so
> many young women.  I was very fortunate that the women in my group
> therapy session convinced me to use protection.  For awhile, I just
> thought it couldn't happen to me and my boyfriend wouldn't tell me any
> different.  I was truly fortunate.  I think God has watched over me and
> protected me many, many a time during my life.
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