Dear Ross,
I live by that saying "Don't Sweat the Small Stuff" It really
makes a difference.
God Bless
Mary
>
> Lil, Marty,
>
> I'm enjoying your discussion, and my thought was not
> only do these things hold true between spouses, but
> between parents and children.
>
> One way that I think I've matured emotionally, with the
> help of Cancer, is now when I'm babysitting and find
> the boys outside in their stocking feet, stomping through
> mud-puddles, I'm a lot less apt to go on a rampage,
> trying to teach weird concepts like normalcy to little boys.
> One thing I hear myself saying, which I never heard
> myself saying before, is "don't sweat the small stuff."
>
> That little saying has brought me a lot of peace and
> quiet. I might someday start a philosophy, maybe
> I'll call it "DOSEMFF" (Don't Sweat the Small Stuff.)
>
> Ross
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: Martin Auslander <fitecancer@earthlink.net>
> To: Medical On Line Forum <mol-cancer@lists.meds.com>; Lillian
> <firefly@islc.net>
> Date: Tuesday, July 28, 1998 2:46 AM
> Subject: [MOL] Marital Compromises and values
>
> >Dear Lil,
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >I do believe Barb and I have found a method for compromise to the point
> >
> >where we still have disagreements, but it is on a level of maturity and
> >
> >respect between a man and a woman, and a husband and spouse. It wasn't
> >
> >always like that, until Barb was diagnosed. We have had numerous
> >
> >consultations with psychologists to change negative beliefs to positive
> >
> >attitudes which also included marital stress since we were partners in a
> >
> >business for 20 years. Much had to be addressed, and since that
> >
> >occurred, we have had a renewed marriage, relationship which includes
> >
> >looking forward to each day with my beloved partner. I would love to
> >
> >share with you and anyone else how this miracle, the miracle of life and
> >
> >living as a result of cancer occurred.
> >
> >
> >
> >God Bless
> >
> >marty auslander
> >
> >
> >
> >lillian jennings wrote:
> >
> >>
> >
> >> Very good message dear bro.; but how not to bicker and argue is the
> secret
> >
> >> passage that we need to know also. Not that my husband and I bicker or
> argue.
> >
> >> LOL! Actually is is rare; because with cancer I've learned that he is
> more
> >
> >> important than any silly argument over nothing. Thanks your sis, Lillian
> >
> >>
> >
> >> Martin Auslander wrote:
> >
> >>
> >
> >> > Another good article abstracted from Womans World Magazine issue June
> >
> >> > 28, 1998.
> >
> >> >
> >
> >> > "Fighting with your spouse can lower your immunity, according to a
> >
> >> > recently published study. Wives had higher levels of
> >
> >> > immunity-suppressing stress hormones in theeir system when their
> >
> >> > arguments with their husbands and vice versa were the least
> >
> >> > constructive. Negative behavior, such as criticing each other and
> >
> >> > denying responsibility for problems, seemed most harmful to womens
> >
> >> > health."
> >
> >> >
> >
> >> > On a personal note and experience, I have found the article to be true
> >
> >> > as a result of the numerous interviews of those survivors in my cancer
> >
> >> > support group and in the chemotherapy department of our hospital for
> >
> >> > journals I have been logging and writing for future reference. One of
> >
> >> > the questions I had asked was "were you under any toxic stress prior to
> >
> >> > your diagnosis?" In the majority of the replies the answer was yes and
> >
> >> > the reason being, marital concerns and arguments.
> >
> >> >
> >
> >> > The article does not give any suggestions how to avoid the
> disagreements
> >
> >> > or arguments. But, I also have learned a number of ways to avoid just
> by
> >
> >> > experience of those that were interviewed. The arguments if continued
> >
> >> > after diagnosis and during therapy for cancer will inhibit and limit
> the
> >
> >> > healing process. AS for the suggestions, I can only share my
> experiences
> >
> >> > from personal opinion, as I am not a psychologist and marital
> counselor.
> >
> >> > But the issue is important, it is relevant to cancer, and it must be
> >
> >> > addressed and overcome.
> >
> >> >
> >
> >> > Have a great day all and God Bless
> >
> >> > marty
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