Lil, Marty,
I'm enjoying your discussion, and my thought was not
only do these things hold true between spouses, but
between parents and children.
One way that I think I've matured emotionally, with the
help of Cancer, is now when I'm babysitting and find
the boys outside in their stocking feet, stomping through
mud-puddles, I'm a lot less apt to go on a rampage,
trying to teach weird concepts like normalcy to little boys.
One thing I hear myself saying, which I never heard
myself saying before, is "don't sweat the small stuff."
That little saying has brought me a lot of peace and
quiet. I might someday start a philosophy, maybe
I'll call it "DOSEMFF" (Don't Sweat the Small Stuff.)
Ross
-----Original Message-----
From: Martin Auslander <fitecancer@earthlink.net>
To: Medical On Line Forum <mol-cancer@lists.meds.com>; Lillian
<firefly@islc.net>
Date: Tuesday, July 28, 1998 2:46 AM
Subject: [MOL] Marital Compromises and values
>Dear Lil,
>
>
>
>
>
>I do believe Barb and I have found a method for compromise to the point
>
>where we still have disagreements, but it is on a level of maturity and
>
>respect between a man and a woman, and a husband and spouse. It wasn't
>
>always like that, until Barb was diagnosed. We have had numerous
>
>consultations with psychologists to change negative beliefs to positive
>
>attitudes which also included marital stress since we were partners in a
>
>business for 20 years. Much had to be addressed, and since that
>
>occurred, we have had a renewed marriage, relationship which includes
>
>looking forward to each day with my beloved partner. I would love to
>
>share with you and anyone else how this miracle, the miracle of life and
>
>living as a result of cancer occurred.
>
>
>
>God Bless
>
>marty auslander
>
>
>
>lillian jennings wrote:
>
>>
>
>> Very good message dear bro.; but how not to bicker and argue is the
secret
>
>> passage that we need to know also. Not that my husband and I bicker or
argue.
>
>> LOL! Actually is is rare; because with cancer I've learned that he is
more
>
>> important than any silly argument over nothing. Thanks your sis, Lillian
>
>>
>
>> Martin Auslander wrote:
>
>>
>
>> > Another good article abstracted from Womans World Magazine issue June
>
>> > 28, 1998.
>
>> >
>
>> > "Fighting with your spouse can lower your immunity, according to a
>
>> > recently published study. Wives had higher levels of
>
>> > immunity-suppressing stress hormones in theeir system when their
>
>> > arguments with their husbands and vice versa were the least
>
>> > constructive. Negative behavior, such as criticing each other and
>
>> > denying responsibility for problems, seemed most harmful to womens
>
>> > health."
>
>> >
>
>> > On a personal note and experience, I have found the article to be true
>
>> > as a result of the numerous interviews of those survivors in my cancer
>
>> > support group and in the chemotherapy department of our hospital for
>
>> > journals I have been logging and writing for future reference. One of
>
>> > the questions I had asked was "were you under any toxic stress prior to
>
>> > your diagnosis?" In the majority of the replies the answer was yes and
>
>> > the reason being, marital concerns and arguments.
>
>> >
>
>> > The article does not give any suggestions how to avoid the
disagreements
>
>> > or arguments. But, I also have learned a number of ways to avoid just
by
>
>> > experience of those that were interviewed. The arguments if continued
>
>> > after diagnosis and during therapy for cancer will inhibit and limit
the
>
>> > healing process. AS for the suggestions, I can only share my
experiences
>
>> > from personal opinion, as I am not a psychologist and marital
counselor.
>
>> > But the issue is important, it is relevant to cancer, and it must be
>
>> > addressed and overcome.
>
>> >
>
>> > Have a great day all and God Bless
>
>> > marty
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