Vicci,
Good luck with it all. Sounds like you've been through a lot of stress
with your sister-in-law and Rich. I haven't had all that much exposure
to bi-polar disorder because my brother and I haven't been in touch all
of that much until recently. And I always attributed my dad's problem to
the drinking. Only after doing genealogy and contacting a relative who's
a psychiatrist did I learn the family history of manic-depression,
depression, and ocd. I had, of course, heard that dad was
manic-depressive (bi-polar), as well as alcoholic, but I always had
assumed he was just misdiagnosed (as some alcoholics are). Behavior,
hmm? Well, Mom said my dad would often just disappear for days on end
(this is before he began drinking) and then deliberately walk across her
path one day. It would turn out that he had been staying at a motel.
This was prior to their marriage. She just didn't take this behavior
seriously enough, I guess. Dad had a way of working his way up to high
positions in companies by back-stabbing people. Then, once he reached
the top, he'd just get upset about something and walk out. Dad had a way
of cycling between feelings of superiority and feelings of failure. I
think this happened after he began drinking. I'm unsure if it happened
prior to that. I know a doctor once recommended shock therapy for him,
but then he "snapped out of it" before they could do it. Dad could start
out a conversation all pleasant and nice and then he'd twist around what
was being said and criticize. I always thought this was due just to the
drinking, but... And Mom said Dad was paranoid - thinking that if she
closed the blinds she was signaling a lover! (Even though it was Dad who
ended up being unfaithful to her. Some poor woman - a country singer in
Alex., VA, who he was involved in an affair with and who must have been
depressed herself - called the house to speak to Dad just prior to
committing suicide.) Weird behavior that I had always attributed to the
drinking, even though Dad was a teetotaler for many, many years - didn't
start drinking until he got involved in the the printing industry. But
he was addicted to codeine (prescribed for his migraines) from a very
young age. Anyway, that's our experience. I think the physical,
emotional, and borderline sexual abuse we endured was probably due mostly
to the drinking. I am so very glad those days are over, although I still
get nervous around big fights. Being a typical alcoholic family, I
would often jump into the middle to break up my parent's fight. And Mom
would find the whiskey bottles beneath Dad's mattress and pour the
contents down the drain. The typical story of many an alcoholic family.
Fortunately, we didn't end up on the street like some children do. Mom
pulled us out of it.
So our experience w/Dad is so intertwined w/the drinking that it's hard
to tell which behavior was from what! Probably the disappearing and
re-appearing were related to the manic-depression. Probably the cycles
where he worked his way up to the vice-presidency of companies and then
haughtily threw it all away were results of the manic-depression.
Probably the paranoia was due to the manic-depression. Interesting. I
learn more and more about my dad every day and I can only feel sorry for
him. What a tortured life these people must lead.
I don't see any of this behavior in my brother except that he *has*
talked about a roller coaster type feeling and he expresses a huge anger
towards women. Of course, he lived many years w/dad who expressed a lot
of anger towards my mom. My brother feels driven, too, to start his own
business (like dad), but be more Christian-like than my dad was.
However, my brother is nearly constantly broke. I just don't see him
often enough, though, to identify the manic-depression. All I know is
that my psychologist (when my brother came in w/me once to see her) said
she thinks he might have the disorder. And another person to whom he
spoke said he seemed very manic at the time. When I first learned about
the family history, I was afraid I'd find out that I'm manic-depressive,
but my psychologist and I couldn't identify any manic episodes (Thank
God!) - only one episode where I probably was on the edge of a nervous
breakdown (my first year away at college). All we could come up with
were many periods of depression throughout my life - depression I'd
always attributed to the effects of dad's drinking and behavior I'd
adopted from it. Now I know better. And the more knowledge I get about
this, the more I'm able to release anger towards my dad. :-)
Oh well, sorry I can't be of more help. Joicy probably has a better take
on all of this. I was just a kid trying to survive and confused by
everything! I thought my dad didn't love me until I got therapy and
realized he was so tortured and ill that he didn't have much left over to
give anyone else.
-Jean
P.S. See what I mean about the victim mentality? First thought when
people act like they don't care is: they don't like me. Why should
they? What's wrong with me?
I guess that's why the therapist wants me to get out among live people
more often - so I'll become more other-oriented, rather than
self-absorbed.
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