Re: [MOL] How I am doing....really [12860] Medicine On Line


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Re: [MOL] How I am doing....really



Dear Sheila,

When Barb was first diagnosed, less than four months after her
diagnosis, we lost both our Fathers. The grieving in a sense never goes
away. Its a daily reminder of what we lost in terms of physical
presence, but what we hold and love dear in our hearts. Yes, we have
these momentos of theirs, their picture, some bits of their artifacts as
a reminder.  Do what you need to, cry, whenever and for whatever in
actuality it is healthy, it is normal and at some point there will be
some closure, but even after that, there will be this daily reminder
that you loved each other and it will be one of blessed memories and the
actual grieving subsides with this closure, but for now and for as long
as it is necessary, it is truly healthy and normal to cry. Take care
dear friend

God Bless
marty and Barb

John & Sheila Lloyd wrote:
> 
> > Everyone,
> 
> I wanted to let you all know how I am doing.  I guess I am okay, I do not like
> crying, and I want to be done grieving.  Yes, I know it has only been a little over
> a week, and that I am not close to being done.  Last night a movie came on "My Name
> is Bill W.",  I couldn't watch it.  My dad who was an alcholic and drank all through
> my growing up was supposed to watch it with me, but he died before I could get a
> copy.  So, I knew that if I watched it I would cry thinking he should be watching it
> with me.  I have seen the movie, because I spent 10 years of my life being a friend
> of Bill W.'s.  There are many things that I am grateful for, one of which is that my
> dad died sober.  He never went to any meetings, but I would like to think that he
> got something out of the changes that occured in me and my mom from going to
> meetings.  I no longer go to meetings, nor do I think I am an alcholic, I got sober
> when I was fifteen.  But that is a whole nother story.  LOL    I know this doesn't
> have a lot to do with my grieving, sorry I got off track.
> 
> I am having a hard time realizing he is really gone.  I wish that we had had more
> time.  I want to turn back the clock and make things different.  I know this isn't
> reality.  The reality is I lost my father.  And of course it hurts.  I have never
> really lost anyone close to me before, at least not as an adult.  I am at a lost of
> what I am supposed to do, and how it is supposed to feel.   How long will I have no
> energy, how long till it doesn't hurt anymore?   I know you all can't answer my
> questions, and that it is different for everyone.  I just don't know if I am doing
> it right?????   My perfectionism is coming out full force, like I can actually
> grieve wrong.  Anyway, maybe I am writing this more for myself than for you all.
> Guess I have rambled on enough for now.  I love you guys and thanks a million for
> letting me vent.
> 
> Sheila
> 
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