> Everyone,
I wanted to let you all know how I am doing. I guess I am okay, I do not like
crying, and I want to be done grieving. Yes, I know it has only been a little over
a week, and that I am not close to being done. Last night a movie came on "My Name
is Bill W.", I couldn't watch it. My dad who was an alcholic and drank all through
my growing up was supposed to watch it with me, but he died before I could get a
copy. So, I knew that if I watched it I would cry thinking he should be watching it
with me. I have seen the movie, because I spent 10 years of my life being a friend
of Bill W.'s. There are many things that I am grateful for, one of which is that my
dad died sober. He never went to any meetings, but I would like to think that he
got something out of the changes that occured in me and my mom from going to
meetings. I no longer go to meetings, nor do I think I am an alcholic, I got sober
when I was fifteen. But that is a whole nother story. LOL I know this doesn't
have a lot to do with my grieving, sorry I got off track.
I am having a hard time realizing he is really gone. I wish that we had had more
time. I want to turn back the clock and make things different. I know this isn't
reality. The reality is I lost my father. And of course it hurts. I have never
really lost anyone close to me before, at least not as an adult. I am at a lost of
what I am supposed to do, and how it is supposed to feel. How long will I have no
energy, how long till it doesn't hurt anymore? I know you all can't answer my
questions, and that it is different for everyone. I just don't know if I am doing
it right????? My perfectionism is coming out full force, like I can actually
grieve wrong. Anyway, maybe I am writing this more for myself than for you all.
Guess I have rambled on enough for now. I love you guys and thanks a million for
letting me vent.
Sheila
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