Re: [MOL] Re Vicci! [12742] Medicine On Line


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Re: [MOL] Re Vicci!



Dear Christine,
My parents always had relatives living with us, usually the babies, when
parents couldn't cope.  And I've followed in the same way.  Always someone
with us.  Or us helping someone and I've found it doesn't pay most of the
time.  People resent you for helping them do something that they know they
should be doing theirselves.  I haven't learned after 30 years.  
Now your dealing with your sister.  Why do people act that way?  Why can't
they just be happy for the help?  And then get on with their lives?  Do you
notice that they also aren't in any hurry about leaving?  Crazy  Love Vicci

----------
> From: Christine <abcwacct@mail.cycor.ca>
> To: mol-cancer@lists.meds.com
> Subject: Re: [MOL] Re Vicci!
> Date: Sunday, July 19, 1998 8:59 PM
> 
> Reading the various messages on this topic reminds me of my brother who
> stayed with us for 7 months. He was an alcoholic. We finally threw him
out
> and it was the best thing we could have done for him.He has been in AA
now
> for about 5 years. He sounds very much like Vicci's son. Even off the
> alcohol, my brother could still work on his personality and behaviour.
> Now my sister has been staying with us for 2 months. Her behaviour, at
> times, has been less than appropriate. It is difficult but I believe I
will
> have to get tough with her. No matter what we do, she is totally
> unappreciative, inconsiderate and talks about us behind our back. You
think
> you know someone!
> Christine
> At 05:54 PM 19/07/98 -0700, you wrote:
> >Hi Vicci,
> >I have had some experience with people who fail to concern themselves
with
> >the needs of others. I have tended to put up with it when I shouldn't
have.
> >The problem is, behavior doesn't change if people will put up with
> >misbehavior. He behaves himself at the doctor's office because he knows
> >they won't (don't have time to) put up with the nonsense.
> >
> >Have you ever dealt with an alcoholic or with the rehab programs? Some
of
> >us tend to be enablers. This is a much discussed topic with people in
the
> >alcohol rehab program. It isn't only alcoholism that has enablers. We
who
> >love someone who exhibits inappropriate behavior tend to make excuses
for
> >it because we love him/her. We are not doing him a favor and we are
> >certainly not helping ourselves.
> >
> >A winning personality which attracts others is often accompanied by an
> >attitude that "the rules that govern the rest of the world don't apply
to
> >me." And as long as that attitude is reinforced by the rest of the
family
> >it won't change.
> >
> >I knew they made us take all those psychology classes for something. I
> >guess I sound like a teacher, again. (lol)
> >
> >Your friend
> >
> >
> >Liz P. Of Yakima
> >
> >
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