My father also died from alcoholism when I was 15. I faced exactly the same
type of abuse as you did. It takes a long time to come to the realizations
that you have. I did a lot of reading about adult children of alcoholics
and it is me to a tee. It is an ongoing process to overcome the patterns
learned in childhood. I think that is a lot of my sister's problem. She has
still not learned to deal with it.
I have built a loving family and network or friends, of which I include all
of you molers. My husband is the perfect match for me (although I wouldn't
tell him that too often, got to keep them guessing! LOL).
Either place I wore that g-string would be a sight (I don't think anyone
wants to see)!LOL.
Christine
At 01:15 PM 20/07/98 -0400, you wrote:
>Amen, Amen, Amen! That's what I try to drive home to people, too. My
>dad was alcoholic & alternatively loving & abusive (emotionally,
>physically, and borderline sexually). He died from drinking. I spent
>many wasted years wishing he had been different, wanting to change him
>and anyone else who I chose to be with. It can't be done. I learned
>through Adult Children of Alcoholics that you have to make your *own*
>family. Make a new family of friends who are supportive, uplifting,
>loving, and kind. Don't look for love where it can't be found. My dad
>gave me all he was capable of giving at that time in his life. No amount
>of wishing was going to change what was. In the same way, I can't make
>my older brother be more loving and supportive than he is (he is
>non-existent in my life - his choice, not mine). I'll only make myself
>unhappy if I try to change him. The good news is that my younger brother
>appears to be still working on himself some. He says he's stopped
>drinking and he seems willing to pursue counseling (if he can find some
>he can afford), read self-help books, try ACoA, etc. I'm grateful for
>that.
>
>One thing I would like to ask, though, is this. He told me his old
>girlfriend just learned she has cervical cancer. I felt sure I saw an
>on-line support group for this type of cancer, but I've yet to find it
>when I do a search. Does anyone know of it? What can you send me about
>cervical cancer that I can send to Martin for her?
>
>P.S. I just send my brother some mailing lists on bipolar and
>depression, along w/a copy of my Juno disk so he can subscribe to them.
>I'm hoping this will help him receive encouragement & support even when
>he feels he doesn't have time to travel to a *live* support group.
>
>P.S.S. Annie goes for another chemo treatment tomorrow (I think).
>Please keep her in your prayers. Let's hope her blood count is high
>enough for her to receive her treatment on time.
>
>Love,
>Jean
>P.S. I'm trying hard to keep up w/all the e-mail, but it's tough. When
>I pray, though, I pray for MOL-Cancer as a whole, so that should cover
>everyone - new & old. :-)
>P.S.S. Where are you planning ot wear the g-string? As a necklace?
>It'll look nice.
>On Mon, 20 Jul 1998 00:23:55 -0400 lillian jennings <firefly@islc.net>
>writes:
>>The old saying goes, you can pick your friends; but you can't pick
>>your family.!
>>
>>Christine wrote:
>>
>>> Reading the various messages on this topic reminds me of my brother
>>who
>>> stayed with us for 7 months. He was an alcoholic. We finally threw
>>him out
>>> and it was the best thing we could have done for him.He has been in
>>AA now
>>> for about 5 years. He sounds very much like Vicci's son. Even off
>>the
>>> alcohol, my brother could still work on his personality and
>>behaviour.
>>> Now my sister has been staying with us for 2 months. Her behaviour,
>>at
>>> times, has been less than appropriate. It is difficult but I believe
>>I will
>>> have to get tough with her. No matter what we do, she is totally
>>> unappreciative, inconsiderate and talks about us behind our back.
>>You think
>>> you know someone!
>>> Christine
>>> At 05:54 PM 19/07/98 -0700, you wrote:
>>> >Hi Vicci,
>>> >I have had some experience with people who fail to concern
>>themselves with
>>> >the needs of others. I have tended to put up with it when I
>>shouldn't have.
>>> >The problem is, behavior doesn't change if people will put up with
>>> >misbehavior. He behaves himself at the doctor's office because he
>>knows
>>> >they won't (don't have time to) put up with the nonsense.
>>> >
>>> >Have you ever dealt with an alcoholic or with the rehab programs?
>>Some of
>>> >us tend to be enablers. This is a much discussed topic with people
>>in the
>>> >alcohol rehab program. It isn't only alcoholism that has enablers.
>>We who
>>> >love someone who exhibits inappropriate behavior tend to make
>>excuses for
>>> >it because we love him/her. We are not doing him a favor and we are
>>> >certainly not helping ourselves.
>>> >
>>> >A winning personality which attracts others is often accompanied by
>>an
>>> >attitude that "the rules that govern the rest of the world don't
>>apply to
>>> >me." And as long as that attitude is reinforced by the rest of the
>>family
>>> >it won't change.
>>> >
>>> >I knew they made us take all those psychology classes for
>>something. I
>>> >guess I sound like a teacher, again. (lol)
>>> >
>>> >Your friend
>>> >
>>> >
>>> >Liz P. Of Yakima
>>> >
>>> >
>>>
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