Re: [MOL] Re Vicci! [12425] Medicine On Line


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Re: [MOL] Re Vicci!



Amen, Amen, Amen!  That's what I try to drive home to people, too.  My
dad was alcoholic & alternatively loving & abusive (emotionally,
physically, and borderline sexually).  He died from drinking.  I spent
many wasted years wishing he had been different, wanting to change him
and anyone else who I chose to be with.  It can't be done.  I learned
through Adult Children of Alcoholics that you have to make your *own*
family.   Make a new family of friends who are supportive, uplifting,
loving, and kind.  Don't look for love where it can't be found.  My dad
gave me all he was capable of giving at that time in his life.  No amount
of wishing was going to change what was.  In the same way, I can't make
my older brother be more loving and supportive than he is (he is
non-existent in my life - his choice, not mine).  I'll only make myself
unhappy if I try to change him.  The good news is that my younger brother
appears to be still working on himself some.  He says he's stopped
drinking and he seems willing to pursue counseling (if he can find some
he can afford), read self-help books, try ACoA, etc.  I'm grateful for
that.

One thing I would like to ask, though, is this.  He told me his old
girlfriend just learned she has cervical cancer.  I felt sure I saw an
on-line support group for this type of cancer, but I've yet to find it
when I do a search.  Does anyone know of it?  What can you send me about
cervical cancer that I can send to Martin for her?  

P.S.  I just send my brother some mailing lists on bipolar and
depression, along w/a copy of my Juno disk so he can subscribe to them. 
I'm hoping this will help him receive encouragement & support even when
he feels he doesn't have time to travel to a *live* support group.

P.S.S.  Annie goes for another chemo treatment tomorrow (I think). 
Please keep her in your prayers.  Let's hope her blood count is high
enough for her to receive her treatment on time.  

Love,
Jean
P.S.  I'm trying hard to keep up w/all the e-mail, but it's tough.  When
I pray, though, I pray for MOL-Cancer as a whole, so that should cover
everyone - new & old. :-)
P.S.S.  Where are you planning ot wear the g-string?  As a necklace? 
It'll  look nice.
On Mon, 20 Jul 1998 00:23:55 -0400 lillian jennings <firefly@islc.net>
writes:
>The old saying goes, you can pick your friends; but you can't pick 
>your family.!
>
>Christine wrote:
>
>> Reading the various messages on this topic reminds me of my brother 
>who
>> stayed with us for 7 months. He was an alcoholic. We finally threw 
>him out
>> and it was the best thing we could have done for him.He has been in 
>AA now
>> for about 5 years. He sounds very much like Vicci's son. Even off 
>the
>> alcohol, my brother could still work on his personality and 
>behaviour.
>> Now my sister has been staying with us for 2 months. Her behaviour, 
>at
>> times, has been less than appropriate. It is difficult but I believe 
>I will
>> have to get tough with her. No matter what we do, she is totally
>> unappreciative, inconsiderate and talks about us behind our back. 
>You think
>> you know someone!
>> Christine
>> At 05:54 PM 19/07/98 -0700, you wrote:
>> >Hi Vicci,
>> >I have had some experience with people who fail to concern 
>themselves with
>> >the needs of others. I have tended to put up with it when I 
>shouldn't have.
>> >The problem is, behavior doesn't change if people will put up with
>> >misbehavior. He behaves himself at the doctor's office because he 
>knows
>> >they won't (don't have time to) put up with the nonsense.
>> >
>> >Have you ever dealt with an alcoholic or with the rehab programs? 
>Some of
>> >us tend to be enablers. This is a much discussed topic with people 
>in the
>> >alcohol rehab program. It isn't only alcoholism that has enablers. 
>We who
>> >love someone who exhibits inappropriate behavior tend to make 
>excuses for
>> >it because we love him/her. We are not doing him a favor and we are
>> >certainly not helping ourselves.
>> >
>> >A winning personality which attracts others is often accompanied by 
>an
>> >attitude that "the rules that govern the rest of the world don't 
>apply to
>> >me." And as long as that attitude is reinforced by the rest of the 
>family
>> >it won't change.
>> >
>> >I knew they made us take all those psychology classes for 
>something. I
>> >guess I sound like a teacher, again. (lol)
>> >
>> >Your friend
>> >
>> >
>> >Liz P. Of Yakima
>> >
>> >
>> 
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