[MOL] Sheila [12418] Medicine On Line

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[MOL] Sheila

Dear Sheila,
It was good to "hear your voice" today, and I sure appreciate your
honesty about your ambivalence concerning whether to stay on MOL. I keep
feeling some of that myself! After I got through my main treatments 3
years ago, I just wanted to get on with my life, be normal, and not
think about this stuff. After all, I'm supposed to be "cancer-free." And
why in the world would someone in their right mind CHOOSE to spend so
much time growing to care about all these folks, knowing the inevitable
heartbreak that lies ahead, as we lose folks we learn to love, either
through death or their "moving on" to other things? I mean, it's one
thing to lose a family member or friend when you have no choice in it;
this is different.

I guess for me, I think of the many kindnesses of strangers who have
given me comfort, with nothing to gain...I think of one named Joanie, a
husky-voiced singer who went through several different cancers, didn't
know me, but heard about me and called to offer encouragement. She
recently passed away, and I can never let her know what she meant to me,
but I think maybe I can pass it on somehow. I think about the courage
and the self-giving, help-you-in-an-instant attitude of the Molers, in
contrast to the jerks I see every day, and I know that just being around
them makes me want to be more patient, and loving even in the face of
hatred and rudeness and selfishness. Like Jack Nicholson, in "as good as
it gets," MOL makes me "want to be a better [person]." And yet it's
crazy, because I work 2 jobs (both requiring full-time plus commitment).
So, I struggle with it, and wonder what I have to say that can't be said
a million times better by all these other great folks!

All that to say that you are loved, and you have been a blessing and a
refreshing, honest voice that has articulated things many were thinking
but perhaps afraid to say. I think we all hate to lose that, to lose
you. But we also want you to do what you need to do, and we send our
prayers and blessings to support you in whatever you decide. (And keep
in mind, if you get MOL homesick, you can come back after a breather!)
but also consider that you may want a few shoulders as you go through
the grieving process, which takes lot longer than anyone wants to admit.
We are there for that, too!

Thanks for being you, Sheila. Love, Joicy
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