Re: [MOL] Re Vicci! [12340] Medicine On Line


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Re: [MOL] Re Vicci!



Dear Liz P,
I'm learning about enablers.  I'm sure I'm one myself.  It's real hard,
even when I'm mad at him, to not do something simple for him.  He sure has
changed his attitude this afternoon tho.  You're right...when he knows it
won't be put up with, he's smart enough to start behaving and treating his
family with some respect.  I haven't had to put up with alcoholics but a
druggie is the same thing.  I do know that he was so happy to be off the
drugs and didn't take any pain meds. until after the surgery.  So now he
can just get himself off the pot.  His dad said he would tell his drug
councelor if he doesn't stop.  Too many years of putting up with his cra_. 
Thanks for the advice and I love hearing from you.    Love Vicci

----------
> From: Elizabeth Patterson <eapat@ewa.net>
> To: mol-cancer@lists.meds.com
> Subject: Re: [MOL] Re Vicci!
> Date: Sunday, July 19, 1998 5:54 PM
> 
> Hi Vicci,
> I have had some experience with people who fail to concern themselves
with
> the needs of others. I have tended to put up with it when I shouldn't
have.
> The problem is, behavior doesn't change if people will put up with
> misbehavior. He behaves himself at the doctor's office because he knows
> they won't (don't have time to) put up with the nonsense.
> 
> Have you ever dealt with an alcoholic or with the rehab programs? Some of
> us tend to be enablers. This is a much discussed topic with people in the
> alcohol rehab program. It isn't only alcoholism that has enablers. We who
> love someone who exhibits inappropriate behavior tend to make excuses for
> it because we love him/her. We are not doing him a favor and we are
> certainly not helping ourselves.
> 
> A winning personality which attracts others is often accompanied by an
> attitude that "the rules that govern the rest of the world don't apply to
> me." And as long as that attitude is reinforced by the rest of the family
> it won't change.
> 
> I knew they made us take all those psychology classes for something. I
> guess I sound like a teacher, again. (lol)
> 
> Your friend
> 
> 
> Liz P. Of Yakima
> 
> 
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