Re: [MOL] Re Vicci! [12301] Medicine On Line


[Date Prev][Date Next][Thread Prev][Thread Next][Date Index][Thread Index]

Re: [MOL] Re Vicci!



Dear Liz,  You are soooo correct.  He was always this way.  And now it's
just worse.  He can, of course, be decent but usually it's when he wants or
needs something, I'm sorry to say.  He has this personality that attracts
people to him even tho I would call him "a little shi_" most of the time. 
He just expects things that most of us don't.  And for the life of me I
can't figure out why he thinks this way.  When I have asked him to take the
trash out he would ignore me, but if he saw it full, he would empty it. 
This has been going on since pre-school for him.  You'd think he would
learn.  I do believe that he is about to...... Cuz' no one in the world
he's entering is about to put up with his noise.  Altho, at the doctors
visits, he does behave himself.  
I do appreciate your input.  I knew I wasn't wrong to ignore him.  People
just do NOT treat other people disrespectfully.  Thanks Liz   Love Vicci
and fam.

----------
> From: Elizabeth Patterson <eapat@ewa.net>
> To: mol-cancer@lists.meds.com
> Subject: Re: [MOL] Re Vicci!
> Date: Sunday, July 19, 1998 11:36 AM
> 
> Dear Vicci,
> You have a right to be angry. There are two kinds of people in this
world,
> givers and takers. It sounds like your Rich is a taker. Sometimes illness
> attacks good people and we want to do all we can to help. Those good
people
> appreciate it and would never treat you badly in return.
> 
> Illness does not give us a license to be rude and abusive to our care
> givers. Whether sick or well, some people act as if the world revolves
> around them. They are so self involved the don't notice or appreciate the
> needs of others. Has this characteristic changed since he became ill? Was
> he thoughtful and concerned about others before he became ill? If so this
> behavior may be a sign of something wrong. If he was not, the illness is
> giving him an excuse to behave badly.
> 
> It sounds like he has taken lots of chances with his life and allowed his
> family and friends to pick up the pieces. I don't have much patience with
> that.
> 
> I had better stop before I say something more that may offend, but
remember
> you have a right to a life too. Do what you can for him but if he is
> unwilling to help himself, you can't feel guilty. You all must live your
> lives too.
> 
> Liz P.
> 
> >Dear Lillian,
> >That was a little gross on my part but I couldn't say as_ as his is sewn
> >up.
> >He's really making all of us at home angry.  It gets worse by the day. 
I
> >know that we are all still trying to comprehend all that has happened to
> >him in these last few weeks but he is not helping one bit.  He was doing
so
> >well after hearing about his cancer and then after the operation we have
> >been trying to help him cope with the throwing up and the gas pains.  He
> >seems to be in a world of his own.  Not recognizing that we are here to
> >help.  He thinks that we are here to be his slaves.  He can go out all
day,
> >driving his car and going to the lake with friends but when he gets home
he
> >wants to moan and groan and have us wait on him.  We've told him that we
> >are here for him but that he needs to try and help himself also.
> >Situation:  Mom and Dad and his girlfriend of 7 years and their 3 year
old
> >daughter living at our house.  His ex-wife and 7 year old daughter live
> >down the street.  We all get along famously.  Except Rich.  He is rude
to
> >all of us.  He's thinking only of himself.  He left yesterday morning to
go
> >to his friends house and didn't call or come home till 8pm last night. 
He
> >tells his girlfriend to leave if she's not happy.  This girl has waited
on
> >him hand and foot and has taken his moods with a few grains of salt. 
She's
> >also pregnant with his child.  Due Dec. 25th.   He tells us, mom and
dad,
> >that we are exaggerating how he is acting and says, "Oh Gooooooooood",
when
> >confronted with him one on one.  He doesn't want to hear anything from
us
> >unless it's to coddle him.  Maybe not coddle but to listen to his
> >complaints and then sympathize.  We have bought him some things for his
> >pain and he won't take it.  We tell him he should be eating high protein
> >and other things to bulk him up for this radiation and he disregards it.
> >REALLY FESSING UP NOW.....Rich is a long time drug addict just recently
> >reformed.  Drug of choice, meth.  Likes marijuana.  Not much into
alcohol.
> >He became drug free in Feb of this year.  Went into a program and just
"did
> >it".  He is still into recovery programs but this hit near the end of
it.
> >He still needs to finish a few weeks.  He's been on and off drugs for
> >years.  7 or 8.  After surgery and after being home for a few days, he
> >started smoking some pot to overcome the nauseau, he says.  We saw those
> >squinty eyes and knew what was up.  John and I gave him a rip roaring
> >talking to last night about only thinking of himself and that he needed
to
> >think about his girlfriend and children.  That he needed to get off his
> >high horse.  That we are informing ourselves and that he is doing
nothing
> >to educate himself.  John (dad) told him this morning that he needed
some
> >professional counceling and he agreed.  But that was to get his dad off
his
> >back, I think.  I will be making a call to the cancer center and make an
> >appt. with the social worker.  They have someone for everything that
comes
> >up.  Rich starts chemo and rad. very soon and he needs to think about
> >helping himself get ready for that.  It's like nothing has happened to
him
> >and he's just still the same old tuff guy he used to be.  Boy is he in
for
> >a rude awakening.
> >I knew we were in for some tough times but I didn't think it would be
this
> >kind of stuff.  I assumed that he would eat what we suggested, do his
> >walking, appreciate us as caregivers, and be happy that he has this
> >wonderful 2nd chance at life.  I guess I have a lot to learn.  We love
him
> >so much and want him to succeed and to knock this cancer right out of
his
> >body BUT......we can only do so much.  I guess what we do from here on,
we
> >do for ourselves.
> >Educate, read, try to understand his side and go to counceling
ourselves.
> >A Dr. Rodney S. Birney MD, Dipl. ABPN, is holding a free workshop for
> >caregivers who wish to deepen emotional skills in the care of ill family
> >members or friends.  We will definetly attend this one.  Have any of you
> >heard of this Dr.  Have you been to these workshops?  Do they help, in
your
> >opinion?
> >
> >Well, that's my story and I'm sticking to it.  Who sang it?  I'm smiling
> >and thinking of you.  Hoping you're having a great Sunday morning. Bye
for
> >now friend,    Love   Vicci
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >----------
> >> From: lillian jennings <firefly@islc.net>
> >> To: mol-cancer@lists.meds.com
> >> Subject: Re: [MOL] Re Vicci!
> >> Date: Sunday, July 19, 1998 8:00 AM
> >>
> >> What can I say, you sure got me on that one friend!   LOL Your friend,
> >Lillian
> >>
> >> NLPOST@aol.com wrote:
> >>
> >> > Vicci,
> >> > The Letter Lillian wrote that said oops!  Was the only one that was
> >blank, and
> >> > I never question that I just thought she sent it that way, because
I've
> >never
> >> > drawn a blank form her before.  LOL
> >> > Later, Nanc
> >> >
> >------------------------------------------------------------------------
> >> > This is an automatically-generated notice.  If you'd like to be
removed
> >> > from the mailing list, please visit the Medicine-On-Line Discussion
> >Forum
> >> > at <http://www.meds.com/con_faq.html>, or send an email message to:
> >> > majordomo@lists.meds.com
> >> > with the subject line blank and the body of the message containing
the
> >line:
> >> > unsubscribe mol-cancer your-email-address
> >> > where the phrase your-email-address is replaced with your actual
email
> >> > address.
> >> >
> >------------------------------------------------------------------------
> >>
> >>
> >>
> >>
------------------------------------------------------------------------
> >> This is an automatically-generated notice.  If you'd like to be
removed
> >> from the mailing list, please visit the Medicine-On-Line Discussion
Forum
> >> at <http://www.meds.com/con_faq.html>, or send an email message to:
> >> majordomo@lists.meds.com
> >> with the subject line blank and the body of the message containing the
> >line:
> >> unsubscribe mol-cancer your-email-address
> >> where the phrase your-email-address is replaced with your actual email
> >> address.
> >>
------------------------------------------------------------------------
> >------------------------------------------------------------------------
> >This is an automatically-generated notice.  If you'd like to be removed
> >from the mailing list, please visit the Medicine-On-Line Discussion
Forum
> >at <http://www.meds.com/con_faq.html>, or send an email message to:
> >majordomo@lists.meds.com
> >with the subject line blank and the body of the message containing the
line:
> >unsubscribe mol-cancer your-email-address
> >where the phrase your-email-address is replaced with your actual email
> >address.
> >------------------------------------------------------------------------
> 
> 
> 
> ------------------------------------------------------------------------
> This is an automatically-generated notice.  If you'd like to be removed
> from the mailing list, please visit the Medicine-On-Line Discussion Forum
> at <http://www.meds.com/con_faq.html>, or send an email message to:
> majordomo@lists.meds.com
> with the subject line blank and the body of the message containing the
line:
> unsubscribe mol-cancer your-email-address
> where the phrase your-email-address is replaced with your actual email
> address.
> ------------------------------------------------------------------------
------------------------------------------------------------------------
This is an automatically-generated notice.  If you'd like to be removed
from the mailing list, please visit the Medicine-On-Line Discussion Forum
at <http://www.meds.com/con_faq.html>, or send an email message to:
majordomo@lists.meds.com
with the subject line blank and the body of the message containing the line:
unsubscribe mol-cancer your-email-address
where the phrase your-email-address is replaced with your actual email
address.
------------------------------------------------------------------------