Dear Lillian,
That was a little gross on my part but I couldn't say as_ as his is sewn
up.
He's really making all of us at home angry. It gets worse by the day. I
know that we are all still trying to comprehend all that has happened to
him in these last few weeks but he is not helping one bit. He was doing so
well after hearing about his cancer and then after the operation we have
been trying to help him cope with the throwing up and the gas pains. He
seems to be in a world of his own. Not recognizing that we are here to
help. He thinks that we are here to be his slaves. He can go out all day,
driving his car and going to the lake with friends but when he gets home he
wants to moan and groan and have us wait on him. We've told him that we
are here for him but that he needs to try and help himself also.
Situation: Mom and Dad and his girlfriend of 7 years and their 3 year old
daughter living at our house. His ex-wife and 7 year old daughter live
down the street. We all get along famously. Except Rich. He is rude to
all of us. He's thinking only of himself. He left yesterday morning to go
to his friends house and didn't call or come home till 8pm last night. He
tells his girlfriend to leave if she's not happy. This girl has waited on
him hand and foot and has taken his moods with a few grains of salt. She's
also pregnant with his child. Due Dec. 25th. He tells us, mom and dad,
that we are exaggerating how he is acting and says, "Oh Gooooooooood", when
confronted with him one on one. He doesn't want to hear anything from us
unless it's to coddle him. Maybe not coddle but to listen to his
complaints and then sympathize. We have bought him some things for his
pain and he won't take it. We tell him he should be eating high protein
and other things to bulk him up for this radiation and he disregards it.
REALLY FESSING UP NOW.....Rich is a long time drug addict just recently
reformed. Drug of choice, meth. Likes marijuana. Not much into alcohol.
He became drug free in Feb of this year. Went into a program and just "did
it". He is still into recovery programs but this hit near the end of it.
He still needs to finish a few weeks. He's been on and off drugs for
years. 7 or 8. After surgery and after being home for a few days, he
started smoking some pot to overcome the nauseau, he says. We saw those
squinty eyes and knew what was up. John and I gave him a rip roaring
talking to last night about only thinking of himself and that he needed to
think about his girlfriend and children. That he needed to get off his
high horse. That we are informing ourselves and that he is doing nothing
to educate himself. John (dad) told him this morning that he needed some
professional counceling and he agreed. But that was to get his dad off his
back, I think. I will be making a call to the cancer center and make an
appt. with the social worker. They have someone for everything that comes
up. Rich starts chemo and rad. very soon and he needs to think about
helping himself get ready for that. It's like nothing has happened to him
and he's just still the same old tuff guy he used to be. Boy is he in for
a rude awakening.
I knew we were in for some tough times but I didn't think it would be this
kind of stuff. I assumed that he would eat what we suggested, do his
walking, appreciate us as caregivers, and be happy that he has this
wonderful 2nd chance at life. I guess I have a lot to learn. We love him
so much and want him to succeed and to knock this cancer right out of his
body BUT......we can only do so much. I guess what we do from here on, we
do for ourselves.
Educate, read, try to understand his side and go to counceling ourselves.
A Dr. Rodney S. Birney MD, Dipl. ABPN, is holding a free workshop for
caregivers who wish to deepen emotional skills in the care of ill family
members or friends. We will definetly attend this one. Have any of you
heard of this Dr. Have you been to these workshops? Do they help, in your
opinion?
Well, that's my story and I'm sticking to it. Who sang it? I'm smiling
and thinking of you. Hoping you're having a great Sunday morning. Bye for
now friend, Love Vicci
----------
> From: lillian jennings <firefly@islc.net>
> To: mol-cancer@lists.meds.com
> Subject: Re: [MOL] Re Vicci!
> Date: Sunday, July 19, 1998 8:00 AM
>
> What can I say, you sure got me on that one friend! LOL Your friend,
Lillian
>
> NLPOST@aol.com wrote:
>
> > Vicci,
> > The Letter Lillian wrote that said oops! Was the only one that was
blank, and
> > I never question that I just thought she sent it that way, because I've
never
> > drawn a blank form her before. LOL
> > Later, Nanc
> >
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