Dear Mary,
We are going through the exact same thing with my father, also
diagnosed 2 months ago with a stage IV adenocarcinoma in his right lung.
There's my Dad, 66, my Mom, 65, and 2 brothers and sisters ranging in age
from 43 to 37. Your descriptions sound so much like what we are
experiencing. My oldest sister seems to be having such a hard time with
this. She was telling me how difficult it
is for her to visit my parents; my Dad always goes to the screen door to
wave goodbye as we drive away; she says that she can't stop crying when
she thinks about how it may not be too much longer before he may be
saying goodbye for the last time. I think we are all having the problem
of realizing that our loved ones are not promised to us forever, that our
time with them is too short and all too precious. I have gotten a great
deal of comfort from Greg Anderson's book "50 Things to do when the
Doctor says its cancer" (thank you Sheila, Lillian, Carla,
& other MOL'ers for this and other invaluable coping resources). I have
gotten a copy to my Mom & Dad as well as my oldest sister; my dad has
already shown
a more hopeful and involved approach to his condition and treatment. He
has started getting actively involved in his own nutrition, and has an
appointment scheduled with an oncologist for a second opinion. Not that
he is unhappy with his current oncologist, but he is taking the approach
that he should explore every option possible. This gives me the most
hope; he feels that there are ways to beat this disease. We are all
still going through the roller coaster; he has had days when he seems as
healthy as before, days where the pain and side effects take their toll.
It does feel sometimes like I'm losing my mind; I've gone from a safe
regular routine of work, home, wife, and family with the presumption that
this would always be to the realization that at any given time those
things I love the most can be taken from me. But at least now I realize
what is most important to me and what I need devote the most time to.
I realize I've rambled all over the place. I just wanted to let you
know how much your experience reminds me of my own, and that I am praying
for you and your family.
Bill Hale
On Fri, 10 Jul 1998 19:46:46 -0400 Mary Furfaro <furfaro@hometel.com>
writes:
>Dear Sally,
>
>My husband is also 42 years old, and we have been married for 21 years
>in September. My heart goes out to you. It is very hard for me.
>We have four children, ages, l9, l5, 7, and 5. The three oldest
>are girls and the 5 year old is the boy my husband always dreamed
>about. NOt that he doesn't adore his girls!!
>
>My husband had stage lV lung cancer. I am so scared! It's only
>been two months since his diagnosis. I just don't know what lies
>ahead and it's terrifying.
>
>I am trying to be strong for him and for our children. Sometimes
>I feel like I am losing my mind, like this is all a bad dream or
>something and I am going to wake up, or should I say, I pray to
>wake up and find it was just a dream.
>
> Sorry to keep running off at the mouth. My sympathy's are with
>you. I will pray for you both.
>
>God Bless You
>Mary
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