Dear Lillian, My cat Snickers lives by these rules. She's sooooo cute.
I sent this to my cat lovin' Auntie. Thanks! Vicci
----------
> From: Lillian <firefly@islc.net>
> To: mol-cancer@lists.meds.com
> Subject: [MOL] Re: Joke for Monday, am I doing ok. Jean?
> Date: Sunday, July 05, 1998 6:17 PM
>
>
>
>
> > >
> > > Basic Rules for Cats Who Have a House to Run
> > > 1. CHAIRS AND RUGS:
> > > If you have to throw up, get into a chair quickly. If you cannot
manage
> > > in time, get to an Oriental rug. If no Oriental rug is available,
shag
> > > is good.
> > > 2. DOORS:
> > > Do not allow closed doors in any room. To get a door opened, stand on
> > > hind legs and hammer with forepaws. Once door is opened, it is not
> > > necessary to use it.
> > > After you have ordered an outside door opened, stand halfway in and
out
> > > and think about several things, This is particularly important during
> > > very cold weather, rain, snow, and mosquito season.
> > > 3. GUESTS:
> > > Quickly determine which guest hates cats the most. Sit on that
human's
> > > lap. If you can, arrange to have "Friskies Fish n' Glop" on your
breath.
> > > For sitting on laps or rubbing against clothing, select fabric color
> > > which contrasts well with your fur. For example: white furred cats go
to
> > > black wool clothing.
> > > For the guest who claims, "I love kitties," be ready with aloof
disdain;
> > > apply claws to stockings or use a quick nip on the ankle.
> > > When walking among the dishes on the dinner table, be prepared to
look
> > > surprised and hurt when scolded. The idea is to convey, "But you
always
> > > allow me on the table when company isn't here."
> > > Always accompany guests to the bathroom. It isn't necessary to do
> > > anything. Just sit and stare.
> > > 4. WORK:
> > > If one of your humans is sewing or writing and another is idle, stay
> > > with the busy one. This is called helping, otherwise known as
hampering.
> > > Following are the rules for hampering:
> > > A. When supervising cooking, sit just behind the left heel of the
cook.
> > > You can't be seen and thereby stand a better chance of being stepped
on,
> > > picked up and consoled.
> > > B. For book readers, get in close under the chin, between the human's
> > > eyes and the book, unless you can lie across the book itself. If it
is a
> > > news paper, claw at it until shredded. Your human will appreciate a
> > > home-made toy!
> > > C. For knitting projects, curl up quietly onto the lap of the knitter
> > > and pretend to doz. Occasionally reach out and slap the knitting
needles
> > > or split yarn. The knitter may try to distract you with a scrap ball
of
> > > yarn. Remember, the aim is to hamper work.
> > > 5. PLAY:
> > > It is important. Get enough sleep in the day time so you are fresh
for
> > > playing catch mouse or king-o-the-hill on their bed between 2am and
4am.
> > > MOST IMPORTANT: Begin people training early. You will then have a
> > > smooth-running household. Humans need to know basic rules. They can
be
> > > taught if you start early and are consistent.
>
>
>
> ------------------------------------------------------------------------
> This is an automatically-generated notice. If you'd like to be removed
> from the mailing list, please visit the Medicine-On-Line Discussion Forum
> at <http://www.meds.com/con_faq.html>, or send an email message to:
> majordomo@lists.meds.com
> with the subject line blank and the body of the message containing the
line:
> unsubscribe mol-cancer your-email-address
> where the phrase your-email-address is replaced with your actual email
> address.
> ------------------------------------------------------------------------
------------------------------------------------------------------------
This is an automatically-generated notice. If you'd like to be removed
from the mailing list, please visit the Medicine-On-Line Discussion Forum
at <http://www.meds.com/con_faq.html>, or send an email message to:
majordomo@lists.meds.com
with the subject line blank and the body of the message containing the line:
unsubscribe mol-cancer your-email-address
where the phrase your-email-address is replaced with your actual email
address.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
