> >
> > Basic Rules for Cats Who Have a House to Run
> > 1. CHAIRS AND RUGS:
> > If you have to throw up, get into a chair quickly. If you cannot manage
> > in time, get to an Oriental rug. If no Oriental rug is available, shag
> > is good.
> > 2. DOORS:
> > Do not allow closed doors in any room. To get a door opened, stand on
> > hind legs and hammer with forepaws. Once door is opened, it is not
> > necessary to use it.
> > After you have ordered an outside door opened, stand halfway in and out
> > and think about several things, This is particularly important during
> > very cold weather, rain, snow, and mosquito season.
> > 3. GUESTS:
> > Quickly determine which guest hates cats the most. Sit on that human's
> > lap. If you can, arrange to have "Friskies Fish n' Glop" on your breath.
> > For sitting on laps or rubbing against clothing, select fabric color
> > which contrasts well with your fur. For example: white furred cats go to
> > black wool clothing.
> > For the guest who claims, "I love kitties," be ready with aloof disdain;
> > apply claws to stockings or use a quick nip on the ankle.
> > When walking among the dishes on the dinner table, be prepared to look
> > surprised and hurt when scolded. The idea is to convey, "But you always
> > allow me on the table when company isn't here."
> > Always accompany guests to the bathroom. It isn't necessary to do
> > anything. Just sit and stare.
> > 4. WORK:
> > If one of your humans is sewing or writing and another is idle, stay
> > with the busy one. This is called helping, otherwise known as hampering.
> > Following are the rules for hampering:
> > A. When supervising cooking, sit just behind the left heel of the cook.
> > You can't be seen and thereby stand a better chance of being stepped on,
> > picked up and consoled.
> > B. For book readers, get in close under the chin, between the human's
> > eyes and the book, unless you can lie across the book itself. If it is a
> > news paper, claw at it until shredded. Your human will appreciate a
> > home-made toy!
> > C. For knitting projects, curl up quietly onto the lap of the knitter
> > and pretend to doz. Occasionally reach out and slap the knitting needles
> > or split yarn. The knitter may try to distract you with a scrap ball of
> > yarn. Remember, the aim is to hamper work.
> > 5. PLAY:
> > It is important. Get enough sleep in the day time so you are fresh for
> > playing catch mouse or king-o-the-hill on their bed between 2am and 4am.
> > MOST IMPORTANT: Begin people training early. You will then have a
> > smooth-running household. Humans need to know basic rules. They can be
> > taught if you start early and are consistent.
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