If you are wondering what the H--L I am talking about here they are again. I
hope
Les
Upon landing hard, the Captain got on the PA system, "Sorry folks for the
hard landing. It wasn't the pilot's fault, and it wasn't the plane's
fault. It was the asphalt."
An airline pilot wrote that on a particular flight he had hammered his ship
into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which required the
first officer to stand at the door while the passengers exited, give a
smile, and say. "Thanks for flying with American." In light of his bad
landing, he had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye, thinking
that someone would have a smart comment. Finally everyone had gotten off
except for a little old lady walking with a cane. She said, "Young man, would
you
mind if I ask you a question?"
"Why no, ma'am," said the pilot. "What is it?"
"Did we land," asked the little old lady, "or were we shot down?"
United Airlines flight attendant: "Ladies and Gentlemen, as you are all
now painfully aware, our Captain has landed in Seattle. From all of us at
United Airlines we'd like to thank you for flying with us today. Please be
very careful as you open the overhead bins as you may be killed by falling
luggage that has shifted during our so called "touchdown."
About 5 or 6 years ago I was on an American Airlines flight into Amarillo,
Texas, on a particularly windy and bumpy day. I could tell during the
final that the Captain was really having to fight it, and after an extremely
hard
landing, the Flight Attendant came on the PA and announced, "Ladies and
Gentlemen, welcome to Amarillo. Please remain in your seats with your
seatbelt fastened while the Captain taxis what's left of our MD-80 to the
gate!"
Another flight attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing:
"We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the
terminal."
Overheard from a young pilot: "Sorry about the rough landing, folks. I'm
practicing for a job at USAir. Next time I'll try to lose your luggage."
>From a Southwest Airlines flight attendant: "Welcome aboard Southwest
Flight 781, to Houston. To operate your seatbelt, insert the metal tab
into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seatbelt, so
if
you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public
unsupervised. In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, oxygen
masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull
it
over your face. If you have a small child traveling with you, secure your
mask before assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with two small
children, decide now which one you love more.
The weather in Houston is 95 degrees with some broken clouds, but they'll
try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and remember, nobody
loves you, or your money, more than Southwest Airlines."
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