ONE LINERS...To Make you Think
> ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
> *Incontinence Hotline...Can you hold, please?
>
> *Lysdexia: a peech imspediment we live to learn with...
>
> *If only women came with pull-down menus and on-line help.
>
> *Would the Standing Committee please sit down?
>
> *43.3% of statistics are meaningless!
>
> *The difference between tax avoiding and evasion is 10 Years.
>
> *Circular Definition: see Definition, Circular.
>
> *A.A.A.A.A. - An organization for drunks who drive.
>
> *Madness takes its toll; please have exact change...
>
> *It said 'Insert disk #3', but only two will fit.
>
> *For a REAL sponge cake, BORROW all the ingredients.
>
> *Bacon & eggs - Hens are involved but pigs are committed.
>
> *Which is the non-smoking lifeboat?
>
> * |||||||//////__ __ __ __ __ The domino effect at work.
>
> *Originality is the art of concealing your sources.
>
> *Just fill out one simple form to win a Tax Audit!
>
> *Paper clips are the larval stage of coat hangers.
>
> *Grow your own Dope - Plant a Politician.
>
> *Contents may have settled out of court.
>
> *If idiots could fly, then this would be an airport.
>
> *A day without sunshine is like night.
>
> *A seminar on Time Travel will be held two weeks ago....
>
> *Democracy: Four wolves and a lamb voting on lunch.
>
> *Would you trust a POLITICIAN to run the country?
>
> *Improve mail delivery... mail the posties their pay!!
>
> *Treat each day as your last, one day you will be right.
>
> *Old is always fifteen years older than I am.
>
> *5 out of 4 people have trouble with fractions.
>
> *I am the root of some evil... send some money.
>
> *The buck doesn't even slow down here!
>
> *Don't assume malice for what stupidity can explain.
>
> *If you think talk is cheap, try hiring a lawyer.
>
> *Don't be sexist. Broads hate that.
>
> *Oh, no! Not ANOTHER learning experience!
>
> *The only cure for insomnia is to get more sleep.
>
> *Don't question authority..... It hasn't got a clue!!!!!
>
> *Advice is free: The right answer will cost plenty.
>
> *He who laughs last is S-L-O-W.
>
> *Stupidity does not qualify as a handicap, park elsewhere!
>
> *Multi-tasking = screwing up several things at once.
>
> *Looking for a helping hand? There's one on your arm.
>
> *Don't take life too seriously, it's not permanent.
>
> *Don't Insult the Alligator till after you cross the river.
>
> *The trouble with political jokes is they get elected.
>
> *A conclusion is where you got tired of thinking.
>
> *Nothing's impossible for those who don't have to do it.
>
> *History is a set of lies agreed upon by the Victor.
>
> *After four decimal places, nobody cares.
>
> *One good turn gets all the blankets.
>
> *Almost all loan officers have artificial hearts.
>
> *Two can live as cheaply as one, for half as long.
>
> *War never decides who is right, only who is left.
>
> *A job is nice but it interferes with my life.
>
> *'Criminal Lawyer' is a redundancy.
>
> *Don't worry: the answer's at the back of the book.
>
> *A crowded elevator smells different to a midget.
>
> *Support the right to arm bears.
>
> *We do precision guesswork.
>
> *My life has a superb cast, but I can't figure out the plot.
>
> *Don't let school interfere with your education.
>
> *'Oh what a tangled web we weave' - Hair Club for Men.
>
> *Where there's a will, there's a lawsuit.
>
> *A penny saved is a government oversight.
>
> *Smash forehead on keyboard to continue...
>
> *Shin - Device for finding furniture in the dark.
>
> *How does AVON find so many women willing to take orders ?
>
> *Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
>
> *I'm not cheap, but I am on special this week.
>
> *I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
>
> *Mind Like A Steel Trap - Rusty And Illegal In All States.
>
> *Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.
>
> *Televangelists: The Pro Wrestlers of religion.
>
> *The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.
>
> *When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
>
> *If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked
> something.
>
> *Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.
>
> *When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded.
>
> *Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.
>
> *Black holes are where God divided by zero.
>
> *Make a speech interesting, say: I stand here before you to look
> behind
> you to tell you of something I know nothing about.
>
>
> /...---.../...---.../...---.../...---.../...---.../...---.../...---...
> /
> If ignorance is bliss, why are there so many unhappy
> people?
>
>
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