Sheila,
You're right. You don't have to like it or be comfortable with it. But
it will lighten your load if you can find peace with what is happening.
There are some things you cannot change, but you can always work to
change your reaction to them. Look for peace. That's what I'm trying to
do now after spending many, many years battling windmills, railing at
circumstances that I couldn't change and just making myself miserable by
it. Isn't that what the Serenity prayer is all about? - God, grant me
the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the
things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. Define your
boundaries - emotionally as well as physically. Allowing yourself too
much resistence, anger, frustration, or pain w/regards to this will not
help the situation. And even if you ever understand why this is
happening, the "why" won't make it go away - so maybe it's wasted effort
to worry about the "why." Maybe the question should be "what now?" Just
a thought. -Jean
Joicy: I'm sorry your son is suffering from depression, too (and about
the death of his father). If your son has a computer and is interested,
there are some good depression support groups on the internet. One is
the Walkers of Darkness mailing list (I subscribe to the Recovery portion
of this mailing list). Another is Solutions. You can search for them
w/your browser or I'll be glad to send you info. on them. Another good
spot is the depression support message board at Parent Soup. I've always
found it helpful to talk to others when I'm feeling down. If he feels
the same way and has Juno or internet access, he might wish to join one
of these groups. I believe there's another group called depression.alt,
too.
-Jean
-Jean
On Sat, 20 Jun 1998 11:13:39 -0500 John & Sheila Lloyd
<tagteam@swbell.net> writes:
>Joicy,
>
>I know there is a silver lining in all of this somewhere, I just don't
>think I have
>been able to look hard enough. I do know that I have gotten closer to
>God through
>this. And I have been able to spend time with my dad. I guess I am
>accepting of
>it, but that doesn't mean I have to like it, or even be comfortable
>with it.
>
>Sheila
>
>Joicy Becker-Richards wrote:
>
>> Sheila and Dana,
>>
>> The question of suffering is indeed a tough one, with no easy
>answers.
>> But we're told that God doesn't send the suffering, and that "the
>rain
>> falls on the good and evil alike." One verse that has encouraged me
>over
>> and over is Romans 8:28, about how God uses all things for good.
>Somehow
>> I can cope, knowing that even out of the worst things in my life,
>God
>> brings something good (and just one of the good things he has
>brought
>> out of cancer for me is knowing all of the MOLers!)
>>
>> My son and I were talking about this the other night. He just turned
>21,
>> and has moved 3000 miles away to San Diego to "make it on his own."
>He
>> wants to put himself through school, and is working long hours to
>put
>> money away for it. He is new in town, doesn't really know anyone,
>miles
>> from friends and family, and is very lonely. He was diagnosed with
>> depression about a year ago (which his father suffered from,
>ultimately
>> ending in suicide late on Christmas night the year before last), but
>he
>> is determined to handle it without medication, which isn't easy.
>>
>> And yet, even at this early age he sees the gifts in suffering, how
>it
>> forces us to grow and change; the ways it brings people together. He
>> doesn't seek it, but realizes how it has deepened his faith, how it
>has
>> strengthened him. Stop and think about people you know who are
>protected
>> or insultated from life...don't they usually lack the depth and
>> compassion and concern for people that you find in those who have
>faced
>> adversity?
>>
>> Suffering has a way of helping us focus on what is really important;
>it
>> strips away the superficial; it purifies the spirit. We lose sight
>of
>> the fact that this life is but a blink of an eye in all eternity;
>it's a
>> stop-over, not our final destination. And I think the purpose of
>this
>> life is not to be comfortable (though we are blessed with much to
>> enjoy!), but preparation for something better. It's just that there
>is
>> so much that is beautiful and precious, that it's hard to leave, and
>> hard to lt go...
>>
>> I'm sorry to go on and on, but I really do think about this a lot,
>> because I constantly see people get stuck on the "why," and then
>miss
>> all the gifts that would never happen otherwise. I remember the
>story of
>> the little girl furiously digging away at a pile of horse manure.
>When
>> asked why, she said, "With all this manure, I just know there's got
>to
>> be a pony here somewhere!" I'm always watching for the pony, and I
>> usually find it!
>>
>> Love, Joicy
>>
>> JDHOVS@aol.com wrote:
>> >
>> > Sheila
>> > I'm right there with you, My dad also is doing poorly, and isn't
>reacting the
>> > same lately. I too had the same thought about father's day. And
>to be quite
>> > honest it is hard to look at the positive side right know. It is
>an awful
>> > disease, and sometimes i wonder why god choose my father for this.
> He is such
>> > a good hearted man. All his life he always helped others and was
>an outstand
>> > dad and family man. I just don't know.
>> > feel well
>> > dana
>>
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