Dear Les,
Thank you so very much. I almost didn't post, because I thought I was letting you
all down. You all seem so positive and so hopeful, I wasn't sure if it was okay
for me to not be positive and hopeful. I am feeling better today, so that is a
step in the right direction. I think it would be so much easier if my dad was
different. If he would share more and talk more, and do more things. But he
isn't. And now I am faced not only with accepting his cancer, but also dealing
with all of the old issues from my childhood, and accepting him the way he is, and
not trying to change him. I used to get so angry with him for watching me grow up
and not being a part of me growing up, and now well lets just say I feel shut
out. I know it isn't personal, but it is hard not to feel that it is. I guess I
haven't resolved my past issues with him as much as I thought I had.
I know he must be having a very hard time with this too, but he doesn't talk about
it. Unfortunatly, I can't make him either. Anyway, thank you for the beautiful
response, and I don't think you rambled. :)
Sheila
Lesnpeg@aol.com wrote:
> Dear Sheila:
>
> It's OK to feel the way you do. ( but not for long) None of us are the same
> after we received the diagnoses of being a cancer victim. We have all
> wondered where do we go from here? and what's next on this journey? and when
> and how will it all end?
>
> When I was younger I looked through my eyes and saw things as if I was
> immortal. Then I fell in love and married and had children. Now I look
> through these same eyes and see the beauty I missed in sunrises and sunsets,
> knowing I am not immortal, and for those that I love I feel great pain because
> I have a desease that will shorten my time with them.
>
> My loved ones feel great pain because there is nothing that they can do on the
> physical level.
>
> To ease the pain we all love each other with greater passion than before, we
> are closer to God than before, our prayers are more meaningful than before and
> we have the MOLers to share our feelings with. ( and get rambling responses
> like this one) .
>
> Both of you are in my prayers,
>
> Love Les
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