Re: [MOL] will it ever end?

[Donna Jennings <firefly@islc.net>]

Dear Betsy:  Being the caregiver can truly be a difficult and painful
situation.  You love your mother, you want to take her pain; but you
can't, you want to make her happy; but you can't, you want to make her
better; but you can't.  What a load to carry for all caregivers... 
One of the best things you can do when the right words won't come, is simply
to hold her hand, stroke upward on the arm and say " Mom, I love you, I
will always be here for you".  Make sure you take good care of yourself
also as the caregiver.  Your friend, Lilac

BetsyEMT@aol.com wrote:

Hello all:

I sit at my computer every day, usually more than once, and read the wonderful
messages you send to each other.  I pick out the information and
inspiration/jokes that are applicable, but I do read everything.  I wish I
could put my emotions into words the way some of you can.  I don't respond
very often, not because I don't care, but because I don't know how to say what
I am feeling.  This is definately a disadvantage, seeing as I am a caregiver
to my mom.

I am a very analytical person, I have been a research scientist for the past
10 years, and that has affected everything I do and say.  I find that when we
go to the ONC, I can relate to the fact that he avoids giving straight answers
when he does not have them,  and then my mom feels that I am taking his side
over hers.  I am trying to describe a big problem in as few words as possible,
and probably not succeeding very well.  I can give you all the history and
medical info you want, but ask me for how I feel about something, and it is
the multifunctional "fine".

To get to the point, we went to our orthopedic ONC today, because mom was
having a lot of pain in her "good" hip.  We found another tumor, not in her
hip, but as part of her pelvic bone (ischeum??).  They want us to go through
the radiation treatments all over again, and mom is pretty upset by it all.
When she says that she feels like the cancer is eating her up,  that she
cannot think of anywhere that there isn't a tumor, my first response is to
reel off all the other organs that there are, where there are no tumors.  This
only seems to make matters worse.

I was hoping that someone might have worked through this, and might have some
pearly words of wisdom for me.

Take Care and God Bless,
Betsy Schrock
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