I don't know if this would help your mom or not
or if she would even consider it, but when my husband was first diagnosed with
cancer, at my insistance, he began seeing a grief and crisis counselor who
reallly helped him put things into perspective. Cancer is the
"death" word and a person who has or has had cancer must live in
terror sometimes when they feel just a little bit different that they did the
day before. "Is the cancer back" or "Is the cancer getting
worse" are very natural things to think of as this disease strikes terror
in all of us. Since I've been seeing the same psychiatrist for almost 20
years, I didn't go to the counselor that Jim did as I was getting help, just
from a different person. I don't know your mom or how she would react to
such a suggestion (this used to be such a stigma and still is with some older
folks), but if you think she might be interested in it, you might want to
suggest it. You can also talk with her dr. and tell him of your concerns,
he may be able to reassure her, also.
I sit at my computer every day,
usually more than once, and read the wonderful messages you send to each
other. I pick out the information and inspiration/jokes that are
applicable, but I do read everything. I wish I could put my
emotions into words the way some of you can. I don't respond very
often, not because I don't care, but because I don't know how to say
what I am feeling. This is definately a disadvantage, seeing as I
am a caregiver to my mom.
I am a very analytical person, I have
been a research scientist for the past 10 years, and that has affected
everything I do and say. I find that when we go to the ONC, I can
relate to the fact that he avoids giving straight answers when he does
not have them, and then my mom feels that I am taking his side over
hers. I am trying to describe a big problem in as few words as
possible, and probably not succeeding very well. I can give you all
the history and medical info you want, but ask me for how I feel about
something, and it is the multifunctional "fine".
To get
to the point, we went to our orthopedic ONC today, because mom was having
a lot of pain in her "good" hip. We found another tumor, not
in her hip, but as part of her pelvic bone (ischeum??). They want
us to go through the radiation treatments all over again, and mom is
pretty upset by it all. When she says that she feels like the cancer is
eating her up, that she cannot think of anywhere that there isn't a
tumor, my first response is to reel off all the other organs that there
are, where there are no tumors. This only seems to make matters
worse.
I was hoping that someone might have worked through
this, and might have some pearly words of wisdom for me.
Take Care and God Bless, Betsy
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