Oh, Betsy, I wish I could give you a big hug right now! For starters,
you express yourself beautifully, and we're all just different, and so
handle things differently. It's not good or bad, it simply "is."
I am so sorry about your mother; that must have been a big blow to both
of you. I can't vouch for any great pearls of wisdom, but during my time
training with a hospital chaplain, he told me something I never forgot.
He said we always feel so helpless with someone who is ill or suffering,
and our need to "fix things" can keep us from doing something just as
valuable, namely, to just be there, "walking along side." Just listening
to your Mom vent is a gift. Instead of reminding her of the organs still
intact, you can reflect back to her what she's saying; let her know that
you hear her, that she can say what's really on her mind. Mostly,
listen. Hug her. Let her know that you're there for her, with her. After
she's had a chance to release all those feelings, without argument, then
you can gently nudge her to more positive thoughts.
My husband does that for me -- I'll come home some days so upset about
some bad news of one kind or another. I'll go on about it, he listens
supportively, periodically saying something like, "That must have made
you feel pretty bad," and pretty soon I'm able to move on. It's a big
gift, and he knows I don't expect him to fix things.
I've gone on too long! I hope there is some little thing here that is
helpful. Know that I will be praying for you and your mother. Love,
Joicy
BetsyEMT@aol.com wrote:
>
> Hello all:
>
> I sit at my computer every day, usually more than once, and read the wonderful
> messages you send to each other. I pick out the information and
> inspiration/jokes that are applicable, but I do read everything. I wish I
> could put my emotions into words the way some of you can. I don't respond
> very often, not because I don't care, but because I don't know how to say what
> I am feeling. This is definately a disadvantage, seeing as I am a caregiver
> to my mom.
>
> I am a very analytical person, I have been a research scientist for the past
> 10 years, and that has affected everything I do and say. I find that when we
> go to the ONC, I can relate to the fact that he avoids giving straight answers
> when he does not have them, and then my mom feels that I am taking his side
> over hers. I am trying to describe a big problem in as few words as possible,
> and probably not succeeding very well. I can give you all the history and
> medical info you want, but ask me for how I feel about something, and it is
> the multifunctional "fine".
>
> To get to the point, we went to our orthopedic ONC today, because mom was
> having a lot of pain in her "good" hip. We found another tumor, not in her
> hip, but as part of her pelvic bone (ischeum??). They want us to go through
> the radiation treatments all over again, and mom is pretty upset by it all.
> When she says that she feels like the cancer is eating her up, that she
> cannot think of anywhere that there isn't a tumor, my first response is to
> reel off all the other organs that there are, where there are no tumors. This
> only seems to make matters worse.
>
> I was hoping that someone might have worked through this, and might have some
> pearly words of wisdom for me.
>
> Take Care and God Bless,
> Betsy Schrock
------------------------------------------------------------------------
This is an automatically-generated notice. If you'd like to be removed
from the mailing list, please visit the Medicine-On-Line Discussion Forum
at <http://www.meds.com/con_faq.html>, or send an email message to:
majordomo@lists.meds.com
with the subject line blank and the body of the message containing the line:
unsubscribe mol-cancer your-email-address
where the phrase your-email-address is replaced with your actual email
address.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
