Hi Everyone,
I have been unable to participate because I don't have my email
hooked up at home. To make a long story short, I "upgraded" to
Windows 98 at home, and would up reformatting my hard drive.
It should have been avoidable, but without my knowlege, my
two-year-old made very messy fingerprints on the CD which caused
installation problems for me. I cleaned off the CD and it went fine
from that point on (the hard drive already reformatted at this point,
of course.)
I miss being able to log in and read mail from home, but I'm sure
finding time to do things I didn't have time for before LOL!
My hair is falling out now. Yesterday in church my own Aunt didn't
recognize me: "Ross, is that you?--Is everything all right??" Of
course she knows I've got cancer, but until now, I haven't really
looked sick. I told her that maybe it was a mistake to switch to
Clorox Shampoo.
Its a downer to discover my real lack of depth--the only thing changed
is my hair fallout, and I'm finding that for the first time I'm admitting
that I'm taking a beating.
Last Friday after my noon workout while waiting to go for my radiation
treatment I felt like crying. I realized that since the beginning of this
cancer fiasco, I have not cried in behalf of my situation. I remembered
reading that people with cancer go through a cycle of "denial/self-pity/
anger/acceptance" (or something like that.) I've wondered if I was for
some reason exempt from all of that, but I was now wondering if I still
have to go through all of that. I talked to my wife about that on the way
to the hospital (we have a two-hour drive) and she said that I've been
exhibiting signs of denial all along.
Right now I'm finding comfort in burying myself in my math books at
home (I've got TONS of math books!) It must be a relief to think about
something else.
Well that's all for now, wish I had more time to be with you all here in
MOL. Sigh...if wishes were horses I'd have a full-time job cleaning up
horse-poop--there sure would be a lot of horses around here.
Love,
Ross
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