Church Bulletin Bloopers
>>>
>>> 1. "Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and
>>> other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple
children."
>>> 2. "Ushers will eat latecomers."
>>> 3. "The Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10. All
>>> ladies
>>> are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done."
>>> 4. "The Pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the
congregation
>>> would
>>> lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday
>>> morning."
>>> 5. "The audience is asked to remain seated until the end of the
>>> recession."
>>> 6. "Low Self-Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 to 8:30
PM.
>>> Please use the back door."
>>> 7. "Pastor is on vacation. Massages can be given to church
secretary."
>>> 8. "The third verse of Blessed Assurance will be sung without
musical
>>> accomplishment."
>>> 9. "The Rev. Merriwether spoke briefly, much to the delight of the
>>> audience."
>>> 10. "The pastor will preach his farewell message, after which the
choir
>>> will sing, 'Break Forth Into Joy.'"
>>> 11. "Next Sunday Mrs. Vinson will be soloist for the morning
service.
>The
>>> pastor will then speak on 'It's a Terrible Experience'."
>>> 12. "Due to the Rector's illness, Wednesday's healing services will
be
>>> discontinued until further notice."
>>> 13. "Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM. Please use large double door
at
>>> the
>>> side entrance."
>>> 14. "Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and
>>> community."
>>> 15. "The eighth graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in
the
>>> church basement on Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to
attend
>>> this tragedy."
>>> 16. "A song fest was hell at the Methodist church Wednesday."
>>> 17. "Today's Sermon: 'How Much Can a Man Drink?' with hymns from a
full
>>> choir."
>>> 18. On a church bulletin during the minister's illness: "God is good
-
>Dr.
>>> Hargreaves is better."
>>> 19. "Potluck supper: prayer and medication to follow."
>>> 20. "The outreach committee has enlisted 25 visitors to make calls
on
>>> people who are not afflicted with any church."
>>> 21. "Eight new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition
of
>>> several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones."
>>> 22. "The choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys
sinning
>>> to
>>> join the choir."
>>
>>
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