Hi Carla,
Thanks for the message below. You're right, of course, that I can't
change the course of events for Annie or my mom & I must concentrate on
helping myself to lesson the stress in my life. I think I'm doing much
better in therapy this time than I did earlier, so I feel confident that
I can add things to my life to help reduce the stress. And as I reduce
the stress, I can help others better. I'm learning that worrying doesn't
help anyone. Also, I'm learning how little attention I pay to the here
and now, so that's the reason for the mindfulness practice. Growing up,
I learned to spend most of my time ruminating about the past or worrying
about the future and not truly enjoying the present. Also, I had trouble
accepting what I could not change. I think this is the stage in my life
where I just might learn how to change those behaviors. I think I spent
most of my childhood fluctuating between being the caretaker (or my mom's
emotions) and feeling helpless (behaviors learned well in an alcoholic
home). Now I think I'm coming to the realization that I truly do need
boundaries and more balance in my life. I'm grateful for that. I do
feel under a great deal of stress right now , but I think I'm taking
steps to deal with it. And I am so very grateful to everyone here for
their help with this. I think seeing your courage and serenity in the
face of adversity helps me see how outside forces don't have to destroy
inner peace. it is so much a question of attitude, isn't it?
Carla, it does sound like you have been an exemplary caretaker, but you
need fuel for yourself. I am glad that MOL-Cancer is here to give you
support & comfort. And I think I realize what you're saying. That I
should seek comfort from those who understand best rather than those who
don't, right?
-Jean
Mon, 27 Apr 1998 00:12:28 -0500 "Charlie T" <charliet@flash.net> writes:
>Just a quick observation to tag on to the end of your email below to
>Jean...I think once we get any older than about 30, we begin to resent
>change. A way to deal with change is to compartmentalize. You had a
>very
>successful career in a male oriented field (translate:strong woman)
>so
>people expect you to face this journey with the same strength and
>aplomb!
>Not that I am excusing your family's behavior, but I see, especially
>in your
>case, where they expect the competent and capable woman to handle
>another
>boulder in the road. So just keep being strong!
>
>Sally
>-----Original Message-----
>From: ken naehring <blessu@worldnet.att.net>
>To: mol-cancer <mol-cancer@lists.meds.com>
>Date: Sunday, April 26, 1998 11:40 PM
>Subject: Re: [MOL] Jean
>
>
>>Jean, please don't let the cancering journey that Annie is on and the
>>situation with your mom become so stressful for you. Funny, but I
>have
>>found with my own family; from my husband to my parents to my brother
>that
>>basically I am on my own. That is not all bad because then I don't
>have to
>>deal with their reactions to each thing I am going through, plus they
>aren't
>>getting stressed over all this. I think they were quick to
>compartmentalize
>>my cancering journey and now they don't ask much and don't respond to
>much..
>>In fact there are times I ask for them to remember that I am on the
>>cancering journey and not 100% as I was prior to last November... and
>still
>>they don't seem to...!!!
>>
>>For the most part I am really glad of that and I try to keep our
>lives
>>pretty normal to their eyes. The mol forum is where I share my true
>>feelings and let out the details of what I am dealing with at the
>time.
>>Like tomorrow I get my PET scan and my husband knows that and knows I
>won't
>>be home until about the time he is getting home from work and he
>knows that
>>the dog can't be in my lap tomorrow night... Other than that I don't
>think
>>he actually understands what all of this 6 month testing has been
>about.
>He
>>also doesn't understand the intensity of the headaches I have been
>having
>>for the past 3-4 weeks...
>>
>>You are so needed to be able to help Annie and your mom, but you also
>have
>>your own family and life to enjoy and we sure don't want to see you
>come
>>down with a toxic stress type disease. So my friend...find peace in
>the
>>journey that you are on with loved ones, but don't fill with toxic
>>stress.... God Bless you and Annie and your mom... Love, Carla
>>
>>P.S. If you come up with a journal guide online...let me know...
>sounds
>>like a good site to have and find...
>>-----Original Message-----
>>From: Jean Johnson <tiggeroo@tidalwave.net>
>>To: mol-cancer@lists.meds.com <mol-cancer@lists.meds.com>
>>Date: Sunday, April 26, 1998 8:42 PM
>>Subject: Re: [MOL] Onc-Chemo-3
>>
>>
>>>Hi Ruth,
>>>
>>>I'm the one whose:
>>>sister-in-law, Annie, is undergoing chemo for endometrial cancer,
>stage
>>>3a
>>>mother-in-law just had second biopsy (came out clear) after 1st
>biopsy
>>>showed a lump
>>>mother is going for second biopsy on May 9th because doctors found
>two
>>>large masses in her breast during 1st biopsy & ultrasound
>>>whose working hard on learning a better way to deal with stress like
>the
>>>above (before I end up sick, too)
>>>I know, it can really get confusing sometimes.
>>>-Jean
>>>
>>>Ruth Devine wrote:
>>>>
>>>> Hi Jean,
>>>> Thanks for caring! I'm getting my Jeans mixed up. Is it your Mom
>that
>>>> going for biopsy?
>>>> Ruth
>>>>
>>>> ----------
>>>> >
>>>> > Ruth,
>>>> > I'm sorry to hear your chemo didn't go any better and that you
>had so
>>>> > many blunders from that nurse. I'm glad you're feeling better
>now,
>>>> > though.
>>>> >
>>>> > -Jean
>>>> > On Sat, 25 Apr 98 09:54:48 PDT "Ruth Devine"
><drruth@onlinemac.com>
>>>> > writes:
>>>> > >Hi Bob,
>>>> > >We must be on the schedule for chemo and sounds like same
>treatment.
>>>> > >I had
>>>> > >my 3rd treatment on the 14th. Sorry I haven't kept up with
>reponses,
>>>> > >but
>>>> > >have tried to read mail and saved to go back and reply. I lost
>at
>>>> > >least
>>>> > >one days messages though.
>>>> > >This last treatment seemed to take more out of me for about a
>week.
>>>> > >Started feeling better on Wednesday, then came back stronger
>than I
>>>> > >have
>>>> > >before. There really wasn't anything in particular more
>severe,
>>>> > >probably
>>>> > >more fatique and a general yukky feeling.
>>>> > >I know you had questioned the protocol of administering the
>different
>>>> > >drugs. I had to go to another office in another town of my onc
>for
>>>> > >this
>>>> > >treatment. Much bigger facility and as you had said "all the
>bells
>>>> > >and
>>>> > >whistles". The rooms were more private, however, with the
>biggest
>>>> > >seating
>>>> > >five, I think. My daughter was with me, so we took a private
>room
>>>> > >with a
>>>> > >comfy recliner, tv and vcr.
>>>> > >The nurse caring for me seemed to be making several blunders (
>she
>was
>>>> > >very
>>>> > >busy, but no excuse). I always have a fear when the IV bag is
>empty,
>>>> > >so I
>>>> > >started ringing when the bag was getting low. She didn't get
>there
>>>> > >and air
>>>> > >got in my IV line. She said she had a magical way the get rid
>of it,
>>>> > >which
>>>> > >did not work.
>>>> > >She also told me she had a different way of mixing the taxol,
>leaving
>>>> > >it
>>>> > >thicker and more sticky? The taxol was going too slow, so she
>would
>>>> > >open
>>>> > >the drip and it would cause severe pain in my arm. She ended
>up
>>>> > >putting
>>>> > >the IV in three different places.
>>>> > >She also forgot to give me one of the drugs, something that
>>>> > >counteracts the
>>>> > >side effects of the taxol, until almost the end. Instead of
>putting
>>>> > >it
>>>> > >through the drip, she injected it directly into the IV site.
>>>> > >I don't know if it was just all in my head that her blunders
>caused
>me
>>>> > >to
>>>> > >feel worse, or if she did not follow proper protocol which did
>affect
>>>> > >my
>>>> > >reactions.
>>>> > >Next time I will take my wellness journal to document each
>event.
>The
>>>> > >doctor was too busy to see me, so I will have many questions
>for him
>>>> > >on my
>>>> > >next visit.
>>>> > >I am just thankful that I feel so much better now. Hope you
>are
>>>> > >feeling
>>>> > >just as well and sorry to hear of your other family medical
>problems.
>>>> > >Stay in touch!
>>>> > >Ruth
>>>> > >
>>>> > >----------
>>>> > >> Good morning all,
>>>> > >> Yesterday I had my three week appt with my oncologist as
>well
>>>> > >as my
>>>> > >three
>>>> > >> week treatment of Taxol-Carboplatin. I am happy to announce
>that
>>>> > >everything is
>>>> > >> fine.
>>>> > >>
>>>> > >> This was to have had the potential of being my last
>treatment.
>>>> > >Initially
>>>> > >> we would
>>>> > >> be making appts for MRIs,etc. But because of the nature of my
>>>> > >> cancer,(metastized
>>>> > >> adenocarcinoma of unknown primary with malignant pleural
>effussion)
>>>> > >My Onc
>>>> > >> elected to schedual me for two more post graduate treatments
>of
>>>> > >Chemo. He
>>>> > >felt
>>>> > >> the Chemo had a definite positive effect on the fluid
>>>> > >build-up,(there has
>>>> > >been
>>>> > >> no
>>>> > >> fluid build-up.yeaaaaaaa!!!!)
>>>> > >>
>>>> > >> He also felt that at this time the MRI to check the 1
>cm
>>>> > >metasticy
>>>> > >at
>>>> > >> the base
>>>> > >> of my spine, might also be a waste of time.I agreed. So we
>will
>>>> > >stick
>>>> > >with the
>>>> > >> chemo
>>>> > >> for two more sessions and take it from there.
>>>> > >>
>>>> > >> I am administered my chemo in the friendly confines
>of my
>>>> > >> ONCs,facility.
>>>> > >> This room has all the bells and whistles and confortablly
>>>> > >accomodates
>>>> > >> approxmately
>>>> > >> ten customers.
>>>> > >>
>>>> > >> Myself being the junior member at yesterdays
>sitting, I do
>>>> > >have
>>>> > >one
>>>> > >> question
>>>> > >> to ask. Is it normal for me with my limited dance-card
>punchings to
>>>> > >have
>>>> > >had
>>>> > >> full
>>>> > >> control of the television remote control?? Keep in mind ,that
>before
>>>> > >you
>>>> > >reply
>>>> > >> , I had
>>>> > >> control of the remote for the full 5 hours!!!!
>>>> > >>
>>>> > >> Now I ask you , Is this Guiness Record material???
>>>> > >>
>>>> > >> My thoughts and prayers are with you all for health
>and
>>>> > >happiness.
>>>> > >>
>>>> > >>
>>>> > >> Nice Talking With You
>>>> > >> Bob g
>>>> > >>
>>>> > >>
>>>> > >>
>>>> > >>
>>>> > >>
>>>> > >>
>>>> > >>
>>>> > >>
>>>> > >>
>>>> > >>
>>>> > >>
>>>> > >>
>>>> > >>
>>>> > >>
>>>> > >>
>>>> > >>
>>>> > >>
>>>> > >>
>>>> > >>
>>>> > >>
>>>> > >>
>>>> > >>
>>>> > >>
>>>> > >>
>>>> > >>
>>>> > >>
>>>> > >>
>>>> > >>
>>>> > >>
>>>> > >>
>>>> > >>
>>>> > >>
>>>> > >>
>>>> > >>
>>>> > >>
>>>> > >>
>>>> > >>
>>>> > >>
>>>> > >>
>>>> > >>
>>>> > >>
>>>> > >>
>>>> > >>
>>>> > >>
>>>> > >>
>>>> >
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