>FOR LADIES ONLY:
>Many women are afraid of their first mammogram, but there is no need to
>worry. By taking a few minutes each day for the week preceding the
>exam, and doing the following exercises, you will be totally prepared
>for the test. And, best of all, you can do these simple practice
>exercises right in your own home:
>Exercise #1: Freeze two metal bookends overnight. Strip to the waist.
>Invite a stranger into the room. Press the bookends against one of your
>breasts. Smash the bookends together as hard as you can. Set an
>appointment with the stranger to meet next year and do it again.
>Exercise #2: Locate a large bench-type vise. While standing in the
>most uncomfortable up-right position you can manage, insert your most
>sensitive breast between the squeeze plates. Hold your breath. Tighten
>down the handle on the vise until you are about to cry. Make three more
>turns on the handle, for good measure.
>Exercise #3: Open your refrigerator door and insert one breast between
>the door and the main box. Have one of your strongest friends slam the
>door shut as hard as possible and lean on the door for good measure.
>Hold that position for five seconds. Repeat again in case the first
>time wasn't effective enough.
>Exercise #4: Visit your garage at three in the morning when the
>temperature of the floor is just perfect. Take off all your warm
>clothes and lay comfortably on the floor with one breast wedged under
>the rear tire of your family car. Ask a friend to slowly back the car
>up until your breast is sufficiently flattened and chilled. Turn over
>and repeat for the other side.
>Congratulations, now you will be properly prepared for your next