Well, I called Mom tonight to see how her 2nd mammogram turned out and I
was surprised to learn that she hadn't had it. Apparently both doctors
(the 1st & the 2nd) feel strongly that the two large masses in her
breast are only cysts resulting from her use of the Premarin.
Apparently, they've seen cysts related to the Premarin develop in other
women. The doctor told Mom to stop worrying so much and told her to
come back on the 1st of June for another examination. Then they will do
another mammogram if warranted. They want to see if the masses have
changed by then or have remained the same (as they have since her first
visit to the doctor in December). They took her off of the Premarin and
put her on some synthetic - several different medicines that she
couldn't name. Mom didn't push for a biopsy because she knows they're
very painful and she said you have to trust someone so it should be the
doctor, right? I don't know what to think about it all. I'm wondering
how a doctor can tell that a cyst or mass is benign via only a mammogram
and ultrasound. Seems to me he'd have to do a biopsy to be certain.
Mom said maybe he's trying to spare her the pain of a biopsy if he feels
it will be unnecessary. In the meantime, though, I wonder how he can do
that if there's even the slightest chance it might be cancerous because
time is the enemy where cancer is concerned, right?
Anyway, I said my peace about it and I'm no doctor, so maybe this is the
best way to go. Mom said a few friends she talked to said they had
similar experiences and it turned out to be nothing to worry about.
Aside from that, things here are going well. I took my 6-1/2-yr.-old
daughter to Borders today for a treat in the cafe and some book & tape
browsing. I listened to Godspell w/the headphones and it was very
enjoyable and uplifting. I think I'm going to ask Tom to buy me some
musicals on cd for my Mother's Day gift. I love musicals and they just
fill my soul with joy. Whenever my parents fought when I was a child,
I'd retreat to my bedroom and then lose myself in musicals - singing and
imagining myself performing the roles onstage. I nearly bought a cd of
Camelot (such lovely songs!), but then my indecision returned so I put
it back. I love so many musicals that it is hard to select just one or
two! Shannon listened to Peter Pan and she seemed to enjoy it.
And tonight I went to a going-out-of-business sale w/my friend Bonnie.
I spent $100 on toys that we'll save and use as birthday presents and
Christmas presents for our children and as presents when our children go
to parties. Caldor had marked everything 40% off so we got some great
deals and it should save us money in the long-run. And it was so much
fun! Bonnie and I aren't especially good influences on each other when
it comes to restraining ourselves! But it was a fun, fun, fun way to
spend the evening! Sometimes I forget how much fun I have when I get
together with my friends. It was so good for the soul! Bonnie called
her husband on the way home to explain why we were gone so long. She
kiddingly said, "Yes, they tied us up and wouldn't let us leave the
store." I piped up, "Yes, and they robbed us of our money - right off
of our charge cards!" (Tom said that was sort-of lame humor, but I
found it to be pretty funny at the time!)
I've rediscovered the peacefulness, too, of working jigsaw puzzles. I
have one set up downstairs in the basement and I truly enjoy spending
some quiet moments at work on it. Sometimes the children even come over
to lend me a hand on it.
And - most relaxing - I listened to my self-hypnosis visualization &
self-affirmation tape tonight. I truly love it. It puts me into a deep
sleep every time, and the descriptions in it are vivid while Cris's
voice is gentle and soothing.
Well, I guess I'd better end this note & get to bed. God bless you all
and sleep tight. My prayers are with you, as usual, as is my gratitude
for your warmth and support for Annie, my mother, and me.
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