Way to go Ross, but we all knew you would sail through and amaze and amuse
your "shrinks". Now on to the "links"
Hug, hug, hug,
Sally
-----Original Message-----
From: ken naehring <blessu@worldnet.att.net>
To: mol-cancer@lists.meds.com <mol-cancer@lists.meds.com>
Date: Wednesday, April 15, 1998 10:09 PM
Subject: Re: [MOL] Marty: I'm Back from/ Ross
>Ross, I am glad that the testing ended on such a positive note for you.
>Funny, but your description of how you felt sounds like everything I have
>been saying to my psychiatrist. I have felt violated in many ways too. I
>wonder if that is a part of this cancering journey, as well as the true
grit
>to want to be who I really am, not who or what everyone else wants me to
be.
>
>I have never been a selfish person, but I am just plainly determined that I
>am going to be the me that is being revealed to me and I'm sorry if others
>don't appreciate it, because I do and I know it is the right thing to do...
>
>So golf is a possibility for you tomorrow, eh? I play at it and don't do
>too badly, but my husband is very good. I have as much fun driving the
cart
>and laughing as I do trying to play and I don't take myself too seriously
on
>the course. The first time out with a friend of mine last year, she gave
up
>and gave me the cart, as I never once hit the green! I went from one side
>of it to the other, through the creek, into the dead trees, by the
>fences...you name it..just as long as it wasn't on the green! LOL! I
guess
>you can see why I have to have a good sense of humor...
>
>Our weather is not to be dry for the next five days, in fact we are having
a
>tornado watch right now....but I hope for you that yours is great and you
>can get those sticks out for a couple of days and have a ball!
>
>You frame that report when it comes it and hang it on the wall and smile
>sweetly when your boss sees it everytime he is near.... God Bless you
Ross,
>and once again...congratulations my friend! Carla
>-----Original Message-----
>From: Ross Ylitalo <raylital@mtu.edu>
>To: mol-cancer@lists.meds.com <mol-cancer@lists.meds.com>
>Date: Wednesday, April 15, 1998 10:39 PM
>Subject: [MOL] Marty: I'm Back from my psychological exam
>
>
>>Dear Marty,
>>
>>
>>All's well that ends well. My two-day psychological examination to
>>determine if my brain tumour undermined my fitness for work was
>>finished today, and I'm back home. "Home sweet home" sometimes
>>really is the way to describe it.
>>
>>The examinations themselves were tiring, to put it mildly. At times I
>>felt as if I were being raped or violated in some way. For some reason,
>>I found it unfair that I had to repeatedly try to justify who I am. It
>felt
>>as
>>if a stranger was following me around and asking if I pick my nose when
>>no one is looking.
>>
>>I felt like my person was being attacked, but in the end I had to give the
>>person who was heading up my case a hug, because it turned out that
>>I was worrying for naught. She said that the examiners (there were at
>>least five of them) had all been amazed that I had been so lucky to have
>>such a serious tumour and operation, and be able to really walk away
>>(in her words) "virtually unscathed." She called me a success story and
>>told me not to worry what others think--that I have a right to be me.
>>
>>That made me cry. That's all I want--I think there must be a song, "I
just
>>wanna be me." If such a song doesn't exist, the problem needs to be
>>remedied soon. She promised to cc me a copy of her report, which she
>>will be sending to my employer: now I'll even have that to hang on my wall
>>like a diploma :)
>>
>>The best part of all, is I am under orders not to go to work until my work
>>place receives orders from my doctors that the examinations determined
>>that it will be OK for me to do so. I estimate that my take a few days,
>and
>>with a little luck and help from the Postal Service, they may not get the
>>report until the end of this week--this wouldn't be so exciting, except
the
>>golf course opens tomorrow! I definately have plans for the near future!
>>
>>Thanks Marty, I love you all....
>>
>>Ross Ylitalo
>>>I hope you don't mind if I intrude here, but WHAT????? Are you kidding
>>>
>>>me about your boss? Of course not you are not kidding us. I have never
>>>
>>>heard anything more ridiculous than that.
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>YOur attitude is on the right path, his is not. There are two very
>>>
>>>profound things I would like to say about the message you sent. First,
>>>
>>>when I hear doctors say "they are telling survivors how much time one
>>>
>>>has" is as hopeless as a boss saying that you need psychiatric help
>>>
>>>because you wish to walk. Somehow, those that are so negative in their
>>>
>>>actions and words take away hope by that kind of message. There
>>>
>>>attitudes need to be changed because their negativity and actions limits
>>>
>>>their capacity to support and limits your ability to heal. So either you
>>>
>>>sit this guy down and say to him that "you know your body better than
>>>
>>>he does and that walking is very therapeutic to you", or you need to
>>>
>>>make a change because I am sure he won't quit.
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>The other thing I want to add to your message is: I hear that there has
>>>
>>>been a lot of stress to what your boss displays in his actions and that
>>>
>>>characterization that he imbues on you must have also played a part in
>>>
>>>which you were affected with toxic stress up to your diagnosis. If that
>>>
>>>is so then its time to move on or at least tell this guy that you love
>>>
>>>your job and the healing process is something that you need to take
>>>
>>>charge not for him to impose his negative will on you because it does
>>>
>>>restrict your health. If he does not accept this or see this then your
>>>
>>>wellness is more important than you job.
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>I know what I would've said to my boss if he acted in that manner. Ross,
>>>
>>>I am appalled at what he said and the actions he took. To me it was
>>>
>>>cruel and the compromising situation he placed you in while you are
>>>
>>>trying to recover displays something less than caring.
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>Sorry for getting so ranting, but I and others here need for you to get
>>>
>>>well. I thank you for sharing this with us, but I had to respond in a
>>>
>>>way that I placed myself in your shoes and I would've been appalled. I
>>>
>>>hope this doesn't place more stress on you, but we all wish to support
>>>
>>>and help you with recovery. One way to do this is to be stress free.
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>God Bless
>>>
>>>your very caring friend
>>>
>>>marty auslander
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>Ross Ylitalo wrote:
>>>
>>>>
>>>
>>>> Dear Abby, Dear Abby,
>>>
>>>>
>>>
>>>> Well, now my pretty little world has been dumped upside down.
>>>
>>>>
>>>
>>>> To make a long story short, it was not too long ago when I was
>>>
>>>> given the go-ahead to return to work. Well, I made the mistake
>>>
>>>> of walking to work one morning. I guess this was not a small
>>>
>>>> deal to my boss, as I live 14 miles away from work. I wanted to
>>>
>>>> walk, you might say.
>>>
>>>>
>>>
>>>> So, my boss pulled the plug on me. He is concerned about my
>>>
>>>> ability to make sound judgments in the workplace. He called
>>>
>>>> the human resources and told them what I'd done, and they then
>>>
>>>> called my Doctor, who is recommending I come into the hospital
>>>
>>>> for psychological testing to determine if I am still fit for
>engineering.
>>>
>>>>
>>>
>>>> The testing is to take place tomorrow and the next day. I am not
>>>
>>>> afraid of the testing, but I am quickly losing my taste for working
>>>
>>>> with my place of employment. I guess I have always been a pretty
>>>
>>>> sensitive person--I don't like having my freedom stepped on by
>>>
>>>> my boss who "feels this may not be good for me."
>>>
>>>>
>>>
>>>> My boss knows that I have long been an enthusiastic exerciser, and
>>>
>>>> a dreamer to boot. For example, I once went from Minnesota to
>>>
>>>> Washington State on bicycle. I also lived their for a year with no
>>>
>>>> automobile and biked 12 miles to work and back every day. I even
>>>
>>>> used to periodically walk it just because "I thought it would be fun."
>>>
>>>>
>>>
>>>> Aw well--crap (and other awful swear words). See you all in a few
>>>
>>>> days--I hope they evaluate me as being unfit so I can take a
>>>
>>>> disability and get the heck out of there (not really...but I'm kinda
>>>
>>>> perturbed.)
>>>
>>>>
>>>
>>>> Signed,
>>>
>>>> Depressed in Michigan
>>>
>>>>
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