Gwen,
Thanks for the chuckles!!!
cindy
-----Original Message-----
From: GW0123 <GW0123@aol.com>
To: Grandtime@aol.com <Grandtime@aol.com>; mol-cancer@lists.meds.com
<mol-cancer@lists.meds.com>; STARPAR@aol.com <STARPAR@aol.com>;
Dw0123@aol.com <Dw0123@aol.com>
Date: Friday, April 10, 1998 5:33 PM
Subject: [MOL] ..And What Was Plan B?
>
>>> ...Will the Real Dummy Please Stand Up?!
>>>
>>> AT&T fired President John Walter after nine months, saying he lacked
>>> "intellectual leadership". He received a $26 million severance
>>> package. Perhaps it's not Walter who's lacking intelligence...
>>>
>>>
>>> ...With a Little Help from Our Friends!
>>>
>>> Police in Oakland, California spent two hours attempting to subdue a
>>> gunman who had barricaded himself inside his home. After firing ten
>>> tear gas canisters, officers discovered that the man was standing
>>> beside them, shouting pleas to come out and give himself up...
>>>
>
> ...And What Was Plan B?
>
> An Illinois man pretending to have a gun kidnapped a motorist and
> forced him to drive to two different automated teller machines.
> The kidnapper then proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank
> accounts...
>
> ...And These Nitwits Are Teaching Our Children?!!
>
> A 9-year-old boy in Manassas, Virginia received a one-day suspension
> under his elementary school's drug policy last week-for Certs!
> Joey Hoeffer allegedly told a classmate that the mints would make
> him "jump higher."
>
> And a student in Belle, West Virginia was suspended for three days
> for giving a classmate a cough drop. School principal Forest Mann
> reiterated the school's "zero-tolerance" policy... not to be confused
> with the "zero-intelligence" policy...
>
> ...Some Days, It Just Doesn't Pay to Gnaw Through the Straps...
>
> Fire investigators on Maui have determined the cause of a blaze that
> destroyed a $127,000 home last month-a short in the homeowner's
> newly installed fire prevention alarm system. "This is even worse
> than last year," said the distraught homeowner, "when someone broke
> in and stole my new security system..."
>
> ... And for the Main Course...
>
> A man in Taormina, Italy was hospitalized after swallowing 46
> teaspoons, 2 cigarette lighters, and a pair of salad tongs.
>
> ...The Getaway
>
> A man walked in to a Topeka, Kansas, Kwik Shop, and asked for all the
> money in the cash drawer. Apparently, the take was too small, so he
> tied up the store clerk and worked the counter himself for three hours
> until police showed up and grabbed him.
>
> ...Do-It-Yourself Brain Surgery?!
>
> In Ohio, an unidentified man in his late twenties walked into a
> police station with a 9-inch wire protruding from his forehead and
>calmly
> asked officers to give him an X-ray to help him find his brain, which
>he
> claimed had been stolen. Police were shocked to learn that the man
>had
> drilled a 6-inch deep hole in his skull with a Black & Decker power
> drill and had stuck the wire in to try and find the missing brain.
>
>...Did I Say That?!
>
> Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect who just
> couldn't control himself during a lineup. When detectives asked each
> man in the lineup to repeat the words, "Give me all your money or I'll
> shoot," the man shouted, "That's not what I said!"
>
> ...Ouch, That Smarts!
>
> A bank robber in Virginia Beach got a nasty surprise when a dye pack
> designed to mark stolen money exploded in his Fruit-of-the-Looms.
> The robber apparently stuffed the loot down the front of his pants as
> he was running out the door. "He was seen hopping and jumping
> around," said police spokesman Mike Carey, "with an explosion
> taking place inside his pants." Police have the man's charred
> trousers in custody...
>
> ...Are We Not Communicating?
>
> A man spoke frantically into the phone: "My wife is pregnant and her
> contractions are only two minutes apart!".
> "Is this her first child?" the doctor asked.
> "No, you idiot!" the man shouted. "This is her husband!"
>
> ...Not the Sharpest Knife in the Drawer!
>
> In Modesto, CA, Steven Richard King was arrested for trying to hold
> up a Bank of America branch without a weapon. King used a thumb and a
> finger to simulate a gun, but unfortunately, he failed to keep his
> hand in his pocket. Hmmm... wonder what he uses for a knife?
>
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