To all my new friends at the MOL,
You are all a source of strength to me. With all your trials you never
hesitate to offer best wishes and support to those in need of it. You
are truly amazing.
As I write this, Joe is in his bed surrounded by family. Yesterday the
Hospice nurse told us that he is exhibiting liver and kidney failure.
After I gave him four doses of MS Contin and it knocked him out for
three days. The nurse feels that is co-incidental to the failures. All
the children and grandchildren came over yesterday to say their
good-byes. He knew they were here and still recognizes them all. His
sister and brothers were here also. It is so sad but beautiful too, to
see this family close ranks around their father whom they love and
appreciate so much. They all stayed over and will be here until the
inevitable happens. He is not comatose yet but sleeps most of the
time. His breathing is somewhat more regular today. The nurse says
that he may have a short-term (hours) awakening, but the kidney failure
cannot be reversed. Thank you for your thoughts and prayers. I will
not be writing again for a while.
Mary Lou
>
> Mary Lou, what a beautiful e-mail you sent Susan. These are difficult days
> for you both, I wish with all my heart I could blow out two candles and make
> special wishes for you both. But we all know I can't, if I could take your
> pain I would. These are not senseless words; but words of the heart. I
> pray very hard for you both and I am there for you. Love, Lillian
> -----Original Message-----
> From: ken naehring <blessu@worldnet.att.net>
> To: mol-cancer@lists.meds.com <mol-cancer@lists.meds.com>
> Date: Saturday, March 28, 1998 7:55 PM
> Subject: Re: [MOL] MaryLou/Susan: Hospice
>
> >My father in law had hospice care and others that I know and there has
> never
> >been anything other than praise for the treatment and encouragement and
> >support that hospice has been to both those on the cancering journey and
> the
> >caregivers "loved ones".
> >In fact a friend of mine just contributed a donation to them to help them
> >further their work.
> >
> >You will find that there will be blessings for your husbands, you and your
> >children from them. I know you are not giving up and that you both are
> >wonderful loving women and both your men are so lucky to have you, just as
> >you are them. It isn't always the amount of time that counts, but the
> >quality of that time and God has blessed you all with quality.
> >
> >I will keep you in my prayers and I am here for you if you need me for
> >anything.... Carla
> >-----Original Message-----
> >From: mary lou marinelli <jfmarinelli@snet.net>
> >To: mol-cancer@lists.meds.com <mol-cancer@lists.meds.com>
> >Date: Tuesday, March 24, 1998 10:22 AM
> >Subject: Re: [MOL] book
> >
> >
> >>Susan wrote:
> >>>
> >>> Dear Jean,
> >>> Thank you so much for sending me the info you and for thinking of
> >>> me in re: the cookbook, sounds good. I found a nutrition page on
> >>> internet about foods and cancer. I will refind it and copy the
> >>> site address for you.
> >>>
> >>> We went to the doctor today and Bob is not well enough to have
> >>> chemo. The doctor called while we were there and told his nurse
> >>> that was talking with me, that he felt it might be time for us to
> >>> check into Hospice Care and they will start the arrangements. I
> >>> was given a booklet to read on Advanced Cancer Care at Home. The
> >>> first chapter is written by a physician who is terminally ill
> >>> with cancer and how it is good the the dying to prepare for
> >>> dying. The booklet discusses preparing for situations that arise
> >>> with seriously ill and/or dying cancer patients and directions to
> >>> the caregiver. They are not taking my hope away and they say that
> >>> is not their intention, but due to his condition and the kind of
> >>> help I need at home, per information I gave them, they want to
> >>> give me the help and information I may need. They are worried
> >>> about how hard I am working on doing everything I can to "save"
> >>> him. They said that when cancer reaches a certain stage, the body
> >>> cannot assimilate or metabolize food, the brain mets affect
> >>> ability to eat, taste of food, nausea, vomiting the food he does
> >>> eat, and the liver tumor causes all the other difficulties in
> >>> digesting and nausea. I think what they are saying is that it is
> >>> not Bob's fault nor mine that we cannot get nutrition in him.
> >>> Please know that Dr. Loukas is very aggressive and treats beyond
> >>> any hope for cure, and that is what I want. But there is that
> >>> fine line where quality of life and the fact that we do not want
> >>> heroic measures will affect our evaluations of how to proceed. I
> >>> am not rolling over, I am just sharing what I had to deal with
> >>> today. My heart is very heavy.
> >>> Susan
> >>>
> >>Dear Susan,
> >>What you two are going through is so tough and I feel your sadness. My
> >>Joe signed up for Hospice care last week. Although he is still walking
> >>around and eating some, he is very weak and insists that he is ready to
> >>go. The Hospice nurse is very caring and insightful into Joe' needs. I
> >>left them alone yesterday and he opened up to her some of his fears. It
> >>gives him an outlet that he cannot get by talking with the family.
> >>Although we are very close, he feels that he is a cause of worry to us
> >>all and cannot say this to us.
> >>Another burden that we assign to ourselves is that we think it looks
> >>like we have given up hope for our loved one. That is not the case at
> >>all, we must assign some of the help to others even though we don't want
> >>to be away from their sides. That doesn't mean that we have given up,
> >>it means that we are letting the experts take over on a very part-time
> >>basis so that we can lessen the load on our shoulders. We want so much
> >>to save them, and rail against God when we can't. Hospice people are
> >>wonderful, caring individuals with special training to help alleviate
> >>the patients fears and to ease their path toward what seems to be
> >>inevitable. However, don't give up praying for that miracle.
> >>God speed to you both, this is such a heart-wrenching time for you as it
> >>is for Joe and I.
> >>Fondly,
> >>Mary Lou
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