Mary Lou, what a beautiful e-mail you sent Susan. These are difficult days
for you both, I wish with all my heart I could blow out two candles and make
special wishes for you both. But we all know I can't, if I could take your
pain I would. These are not senseless words; but words of the heart. I
pray very hard for you both and I am there for you. Love, Lillian
-----Original Message-----
From: ken naehring <blessu@worldnet.att.net>
To: mol-cancer@lists.meds.com <mol-cancer@lists.meds.com>
Date: Saturday, March 28, 1998 7:55 PM
Subject: Re: [MOL] MaryLou/Susan: Hospice
>My father in law had hospice care and others that I know and there has
never
>been anything other than praise for the treatment and encouragement and
>support that hospice has been to both those on the cancering journey and
the
>caregivers "loved ones".
>In fact a friend of mine just contributed a donation to them to help them
>further their work.
>
>You will find that there will be blessings for your husbands, you and your
>children from them. I know you are not giving up and that you both are
>wonderful loving women and both your men are so lucky to have you, just as
>you are them. It isn't always the amount of time that counts, but the
>quality of that time and God has blessed you all with quality.
>
>I will keep you in my prayers and I am here for you if you need me for
>anything.... Carla
>-----Original Message-----
>From: mary lou marinelli <jfmarinelli@snet.net>
>To: mol-cancer@lists.meds.com <mol-cancer@lists.meds.com>
>Date: Tuesday, March 24, 1998 10:22 AM
>Subject: Re: [MOL] book
>
>
>>Susan wrote:
>>>
>>> Dear Jean,
>>> Thank you so much for sending me the info you and for thinking of
>>> me in re: the cookbook, sounds good. I found a nutrition page on
>>> internet about foods and cancer. I will refind it and copy the
>>> site address for you.
>>>
>>> We went to the doctor today and Bob is not well enough to have
>>> chemo. The doctor called while we were there and told his nurse
>>> that was talking with me, that he felt it might be time for us to
>>> check into Hospice Care and they will start the arrangements. I
>>> was given a booklet to read on Advanced Cancer Care at Home. The
>>> first chapter is written by a physician who is terminally ill
>>> with cancer and how it is good the the dying to prepare for
>>> dying. The booklet discusses preparing for situations that arise
>>> with seriously ill and/or dying cancer patients and directions to
>>> the caregiver. They are not taking my hope away and they say that
>>> is not their intention, but due to his condition and the kind of
>>> help I need at home, per information I gave them, they want to
>>> give me the help and information I may need. They are worried
>>> about how hard I am working on doing everything I can to "save"
>>> him. They said that when cancer reaches a certain stage, the body
>>> cannot assimilate or metabolize food, the brain mets affect
>>> ability to eat, taste of food, nausea, vomiting the food he does
>>> eat, and the liver tumor causes all the other difficulties in
>>> digesting and nausea. I think what they are saying is that it is
>>> not Bob's fault nor mine that we cannot get nutrition in him.
>>> Please know that Dr. Loukas is very aggressive and treats beyond
>>> any hope for cure, and that is what I want. But there is that
>>> fine line where quality of life and the fact that we do not want
>>> heroic measures will affect our evaluations of how to proceed. I
>>> am not rolling over, I am just sharing what I had to deal with
>>> today. My heart is very heavy.
>>> Susan
>>>
>>Dear Susan,
>>What you two are going through is so tough and I feel your sadness. My
>>Joe signed up for Hospice care last week. Although he is still walking
>>around and eating some, he is very weak and insists that he is ready to
>>go. The Hospice nurse is very caring and insightful into Joe' needs. I
>>left them alone yesterday and he opened up to her some of his fears. It
>>gives him an outlet that he cannot get by talking with the family.
>>Although we are very close, he feels that he is a cause of worry to us
>>all and cannot say this to us.
>>Another burden that we assign to ourselves is that we think it looks
>>like we have given up hope for our loved one. That is not the case at
>>all, we must assign some of the help to others even though we don't want
>>to be away from their sides. That doesn't mean that we have given up,
>>it means that we are letting the experts take over on a very part-time
>>basis so that we can lessen the load on our shoulders. We want so much
>>to save them, and rail against God when we can't. Hospice people are
>>wonderful, caring individuals with special training to help alleviate
>>the patients fears and to ease their path toward what seems to be
>>inevitable. However, don't give up praying for that miracle.
>>God speed to you both, this is such a heart-wrenching time for you as it
>>is for Joe and I.
>>Fondly,
>>Mary Lou
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