My father in law had hospice care and others that I know and there has never
been anything other than praise for the treatment and encouragement and
support that hospice has been to both those on the cancering journey and the
caregivers "loved ones".
In fact a friend of mine just contributed a donation to them to help them
further their work.
You will find that there will be blessings for your husbands, you and your
children from them. I know you are not giving up and that you both are
wonderful loving women and both your men are so lucky to have you, just as
you are them. It isn't always the amount of time that counts, but the
quality of that time and God has blessed you all with quality.
I will keep you in my prayers and I am here for you if you need me for
anything.... Carla
-----Original Message-----
From: mary lou marinelli <jfmarinelli@snet.net>
To: mol-cancer@lists.meds.com <mol-cancer@lists.meds.com>
Date: Tuesday, March 24, 1998 10:22 AM
Subject: Re: [MOL] book
>Susan wrote:
>>
>> Dear Jean,
>> Thank you so much for sending me the info you and for thinking of
>> me in re: the cookbook, sounds good. I found a nutrition page on
>> internet about foods and cancer. I will refind it and copy the
>> site address for you.
>>
>> We went to the doctor today and Bob is not well enough to have
>> chemo. The doctor called while we were there and told his nurse
>> that was talking with me, that he felt it might be time for us to
>> check into Hospice Care and they will start the arrangements. I
>> was given a booklet to read on Advanced Cancer Care at Home. The
>> first chapter is written by a physician who is terminally ill
>> with cancer and how it is good the the dying to prepare for
>> dying. The booklet discusses preparing for situations that arise
>> with seriously ill and/or dying cancer patients and directions to
>> the caregiver. They are not taking my hope away and they say that
>> is not their intention, but due to his condition and the kind of
>> help I need at home, per information I gave them, they want to
>> give me the help and information I may need. They are worried
>> about how hard I am working on doing everything I can to "save"
>> him. They said that when cancer reaches a certain stage, the body
>> cannot assimilate or metabolize food, the brain mets affect
>> ability to eat, taste of food, nausea, vomiting the food he does
>> eat, and the liver tumor causes all the other difficulties in
>> digesting and nausea. I think what they are saying is that it is
>> not Bob's fault nor mine that we cannot get nutrition in him.
>> Please know that Dr. Loukas is very aggressive and treats beyond
>> any hope for cure, and that is what I want. But there is that
>> fine line where quality of life and the fact that we do not want
>> heroic measures will affect our evaluations of how to proceed. I
>> am not rolling over, I am just sharing what I had to deal with
>> today. My heart is very heavy.
>> Susan
>>
>Dear Susan,
>What you two are going through is so tough and I feel your sadness. My
>Joe signed up for Hospice care last week. Although he is still walking
>around and eating some, he is very weak and insists that he is ready to
>go. The Hospice nurse is very caring and insightful into Joe' needs. I
>left them alone yesterday and he opened up to her some of his fears. It
>gives him an outlet that he cannot get by talking with the family.
>Although we are very close, he feels that he is a cause of worry to us
>all and cannot say this to us.
>Another burden that we assign to ourselves is that we think it looks
>like we have given up hope for our loved one. That is not the case at
>all, we must assign some of the help to others even though we don't want
>to be away from their sides. That doesn't mean that we have given up,
>it means that we are letting the experts take over on a very part-time
>basis so that we can lessen the load on our shoulders. We want so much
>to save them, and rail against God when we can't. Hospice people are
>wonderful, caring individuals with special training to help alleviate
>the patients fears and to ease their path toward what seems to be
>inevitable. However, don't give up praying for that miracle.
>God speed to you both, this is such a heart-wrenching time for you as it
>is for Joe and I.
>Fondly,
>Mary Lou
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