Hello all
I hope you and your loved ones are doing well, and life is full of promise.
I had intended to post a note yesterday, but after an unusually lively-feeling
start to the day I dozed off and spent the rest of Wednesday feeling out of it
and lacking the willpower to get up and compose a symphony, converse with the
sky from the rooftop or go pick up the laundry. But I did investigate my
refrigerator, which had been smelling funny for a few days, and found the
culprit: some garlic that had somehow wandered to the back of the lowest shelf
and turned green.
I think my funky state is largely psychological: because I'm in a state of
perpetual anticipation again, wondering what the hospital and my oncologist
will find as a result of a special blood test done on Tuesday evening to see
if I can receive injections to encourage the production of red cells and
platelets rather than the transfusions I have been getting. In this I have
been encouraged by Marty and others, though my doctor told me he had not heard
of the use of such injections for leukemia. However, he agreed there could
always be a first time, and I could be it, if it was appropriate. Needless to
say, one doesn't look with joy upon a lot of self-injection, but then frequent
transfusions are not a piece of cake either. Anyhow, early this evening I
visit the doctor for another routine blood check-up. The results of my last
check-up, on Tuesday, were satisfactory again (oh please stay that way!),
which one would expect the day following a blood transfusion. The main concern
is my white cells, which had come down to 12.4 on Tuesday evening (the count
was 25.3 on March 9). This is very good. We are of course following the white
count carefully in case it suddenly rises, which would not be a good sign. We
want them to come down to a "normal" level and stay there. If that happens, we
will stay with the present routine, with blood tests and supplementation (via
transfusion or injection) as necessary. Apparently I am not responding too
well to platelet transfusions -- my body tends to reject platelets that
originate in other people -- so if injections turn out to be appropriate, that
would be great: the injections increase one's own production, so rejection
would not be involved. Here's hoping ...
Meantime, I've been impressed by some of the postings here at MOL. I have been
on the quiet side, I know, but I have been reading my e-mail and have been
deeply moved by what I have seen. I understand the difficulties of both those
who are cancering and their loved ones/caregivers. I don't have much to add to
what has been said, but I think it is important for there to be honesty on
both sides -- as a patient, one should be honest about one's feelings and
needs and fears, and as a care-giver, or loved one, one should be the same.
Both sides too should recognize the considerable strain being experienced by
the other party, and if there are occasional signs of irritation or despair,
well a wordless communication such as an embrace or a touch of the hand can
help dissipate the tension. That's pretty obvious, and I apologize for not
having anything more profound to say. Honesty on all sides, that's what's
needed in situations like those we on this site are going through.
Marty, I'm glad to hear you'll be keeping in touch with us while you and Barb
are in Chicago, and I hope your week with your mother will be encouraging to
you all.
Though I know one must not yield too easily to the desire to just lie down,
that's what I'm going to do now. I don't want to give the impression I'm not
getting out, though. I am taking short walks, including to a brand new
supermarket where they actually play classical music -- I wonder how long that
will last; I told a cashier how much I liked it, and she said it was making
her feel sleepy!
Though I have definitely been feeling improvements of late, I would certainly
like to feel energetic, but after chemo you have to be patient. I hope I will
get good news tonight when I visit the doctor, and I'll let you know.
I had intended to write a chatty note, but this is the best I can do right
now! Some rest and meditation seems called for. I thank God for my friends,
and the conversations made possible by the phone. My best friend has a cold
again, so we are not seeing each other. Though my white count is high, we
figure it is best to be on the cautious side. I it will be over by the
weekend, and that we can take a walk or two in the park. They say the weather
will be gorgeous. From the taxi on Tuesday I noticed that the forsythia is in
bloom. So happy spring to you all.
God bless.
-- Ron
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