Would you please tell me how they discovered your tumor, the size and
location and what therapy you had. Thanks alot, Lillian
-----Original Message-----
From: Ross Ylitalo <raylital@mtu.edu>
To: mol-cancer@lists.meds.com <mol-cancer@lists.meds.com>
Date: Wednesday, March 25, 1998 5:20 PM
Subject: Re: [MOL] Just venting
>Hi Cindy,
>
>I have brain cancer, and I think you and my wife could start a
>support group for "significant others of cancering people."
>
>Like you have been to Jim, my wife has been an invaluable
>help in my cancer ordeal. My wife has always been along to
>hold my hand and point me down the corridors of strange
>hospitals, keeping me from straying into operating rooms
>and such. I'd have been totally lost without her. I have often
>said that I think my Doctors would have strangled me by now
>if not for her to screw my head back on just before it falls
>off.
>
>She has repeatedly corrected the Doctors when they have
>made small errors in medication scheduling and so forth.
>Myself, it has taken most of my energy to follow her there
>to the offices, and dumbly nod my head in agreement to
>every question they have.
>
>I hope I'm making myself clear, Cindy, I have leaned on
>her presense and needed her so often. I would have been
>a total wreck without her.
>
>The other day, though, the situation was finally such that
>I was "forced" to walk to the Doctors office alone for my
>monthly checkup with the oncologist. Everything was
>supposed to be so simple. My wife even wrote down all
>the question I should ask, and all but pinned them to my
>shirt. This was supposed to be routine.
>
>When I got there though, the Doctor started asking questions
>about my medications, using names other than the ones
>that I was accustomed to using, and I was totally lost. I
>said "we can call my wife." He worked around it, and we
>didn't actually call her, but then he wrote out a lab order
>for me to get my vincristine shot next week and some other
>miscellaneous stuff like prescriptions.
>
>When I got home, my wife so dissappointed in me because
>the Lab order was written out by the OLD schedule!!! It
>was ONE WHOLE DAY out of wack!!! No kidding, I'd
>have missed it if it was written out for the wrong year.
>
>However, there was one time during the visit, when I realized
>that I was glad she wasn't along. Sometimes when I've asked
>my Doctors about my prognosis, I've wondered if they were
>inclined to put some icing on the cake for her sake. Because
>she tends to worry a lot more than I do, I'd tend to be happy
>with this and say to my wife later: "see...everything is just
>fine and dandy!" I'd sometimes have this nagging feeling
>that it would be nice to get a dirtier version of the truth from
>a Doctor if it were possible, rather than the candy version.
>
>So, as I was saying, here was my opportunity. Guess I still
>got pretty much the same candy version answer, but I was
>glad for the oportunity to press the doctor for any outside
>chances that things might not work out as well as we are
>hoping (doh.)
>
>So I would not take it as a personal afront that Jim would like
>to have a moment alone with his doctors. My wife and I are
>very open with each other, but my love for her is such that it
>prevented me from pressing in directions that I would like to
>have done. While the names and places may be different, I
>wouldn't at all be surprised if Jim's motives are generated out
>of love for you.
>
>Do you know that my wife is sometimes jealous of my time
>spent here in MOL? She would like to be able to provide
>all of the support and comfort that I find here. That makes
>me feel sad. What should I do? Stop? I think some flexibility
>is called for...we are all different and have slightly different needs.
>They may appear kind of unimportant when we view them in
>each other. Isn't it funny though that we can all relate to the
>feeling of injury we feel when someone close to use informs
>us that they feel our own needs are unimportant?
>
>If you can, be glad that Jim is well enough to feel up to going
>by himself. That in itself is a wonderful fortune.
>
>Your friend,
>
>Ross Ylitalo
>raylital@mtu.edu
>
>
>-----Original Message-----
>From: Cindy Crowe <ccrowe@msn.com>
>To: Medical On Line Forum <mol-cancer@lists.meds.com>
>Date: Sunday, March 08, 1998 7:03 PM
>Subject: [MOL] Just venting
>
>
>>I've found myself extremely upset over something and, being the emotional
>>type person I am, I decided to through it out to my experts (and I feel
>that
>>you are my friends, also) to see if I am being unreasonable or if I have
>>just cause for having hurt feelings.
>>
>>As most of you know, my husband, Jim, has lung cancer. He has gone
through
>>16 times of radiation and 3 sessions of chemo (3days in a row, 3 weeks
>>apart). I have been with him every step of the way, trying to be
>supportive
>>even on things I don't feel I should have to be.
>>
>>Jim had his first CT scan last Wed. to see what difference(s) there are in
>>his tumors between when he was first diagnosed and where we are now
>>(medically).
>>
>>I was all excited (and scared) to go with him to see his oncologist on
>>Monday to see what she had to say about any changes (good or bad) that
>might
>>be showing up on his scan and his constant lab work.
>>
>>All of a sudden, he has decided that he doesn't want me to go and I feel
as
>>though he has just shut me out (yes, I am feeling sorry for myself). I
>have
>>seen him through everything he has had to endure since he was diagnosed.
>>
>>Has this happened to those of you that are caregivers and how did you
feel?
>>Am I just being a blubbering idiot?
>>
>>Do those of you who have cancer feel ever not want your significant others
>>to share things like this with them and to keep your privacy between your
>>dr. and you private?
>>
>>I don't know if I am blowing this out of proportion and would like your
>>inputs. Please feel free to be blunt as that is what I am asking of you.
>>
>>
>>Cindy Crowe
>>ccrowe@msn.com
>>
>>
>>
>>
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