The message you wrote is this Linda: You said "you don't know what the
message is here". If I may. YOur heart is saying that you wish to give
back to all of us, to those that you feel have given much to you, and
your mind is saying that you are not able to give back at this time and
you feel guilt because you are grateful to those people and can't give
back. If I have learned one thing about all this Linda, is this: That
when people give to others we must learn to receive and be grateful as
you are and understand that when people give it is not because we are
seeking something in return, it is because we are and want to be your
friends and feel that we all have something in common, to beat cancer.
Learn to accept as much as you wish to give. In time and in turn you
will give back. I have also learned that one needs to feel well first,
about themselves and the ones we care first and knowing that they are
progressing with their health and the caregiver is overcoming their
negative anxieties, then the thought of giving back can become a
reality. So, dear Linda, do not feel guilt or shame because you are not
giving back. It is just as important and vital that you receive the
information with understanding that in a sense you are a giver and
caretaker. It is with great honor and pleasure that we feel the need to
give and equally feel the need to receive. YOu, in turn will be a great
provider of information from the successes, God willing, your Sister
enjoys. So, the message is Linda, while feeling gratitude for what you
have received, go in peace and with love in your heart, knowing that it
is equally a blessing to receive as it is to give and no guilt or shame
in those events should be felt. Your time to give back to the community
will come.
God Bless you and your family
Marty Auslander
Linda Epstein wrote:
>
> I don't have anything to give right now, other than gratitude. I feel selfish
> because I have used all of you to gain knowledge and perspective about what my
> sister is going through with her cancer. But I've given relatively little back
> in return. I hope that one day soon I'll be stronger. Right now, I don't seem
> to have any words.
>
> There are so many valleys and peaks. Today is a day in the valley. But we
> never lose the hope that tomorrow my sister will wake up feeling better and be
> able to spend more time with her children and husband. Or that one good day
> will turn into several, and she will then be eligible for a clinical trial. Or
> that someone will have an idea about something that will lift her spirits,
> increase her strength or relieve her pain.
>
> My sister holds onto life with both hands. While she is holding on, we have to
> support her and help her believe that she can survive. Sometimes, particularly
> when she is "out of it," it's difficult to help her emotionally. At these
> times, we can only help her physically with our presence and our touch. Today
> she is in a semi-comatose state and wants only to sleep. The accupuncturist is
> working to help rid her body of toxins and relieve some of her pain. The
> holistic doctor is now visiting to see if she should include different herbs in
> her tea. We will take it an hour at a time.
>
> As an aside, if there is anyone from Massachusettes looking for an outstanding
> herbalist, please let me know. We found this woman accidentally. She was an
> oncologist in China and moved here 1 year ago. She is also trained in Chinese
> herbal medicine. I think she must also be an angel. She came to my sister's
> house on Christmas Day and spent 2 hours with her although she was having a
> party at her house. When we tried to compensate her for her time she refused
> to take any more than her 1 hour fee, which is $35.00. She also helps my sister
> spiritually, and after she leaves the room my sister's voice is a little
> stronger and happier.
>
> I'm not sure what the message is here - I just needed to ramble a bit and to
> express that in my darkest moments, it is sometimes the words of people on
> this list that have kept me believing and hoping, and this in turn gives me the
> strength to help my sister.
>
> Thank you again for the blessings which you bestow!
> Linda
>
>
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