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Dear Liz: You're right about that -- this is what this woman does for a living, and this is all she does. She doesn't have a husband or children or a job outside the home. It's not her recipes or her ideas that I find irritating -- it's her superior attitude. Her recipes are wonderful, and her line of linens, paint and accessories is very nice. I have one of her shower curtains and a couple of sets of towels in the guest bath -- very attractive. If Martha was just a little warmer and funnier, and perhaps a little self-depracating, like dear Erma was! Love, Kathy
-----Original Message-----
From: Elizabeth Patterson [SMTP:eapat@ewa.net]
Sent: Sunday, December 27, 1998 7:42 PM
To: mol-cancer@lists.meds.com
Subject: Re: [MOL] Martha Stewart Joke
Now Jeanne,
Martha is okay, but I do think the average woman doesn't have time or the
money to do the things she suggests. Did you hear her Christmas centerpiece
bit. She suggested using amarylis as cut flowers and placing several of
them in floating vases up and down the table. The way she described it the
blooms alone would be at least $50.00. I'm afraid I don't have $50 to spend
on the centerpiece for Christmas dinner. I hear her radio minute every
morning on the way to work and I will admit I have learned some things from
her. I just think she spreads a lot of guilt among women who can't be super
women. Of course most of us don't have a research staff to provide us with
the information.
Liz
>Well, I won't kiss her ass but I do like eating the results of her recipes
>even though I have only one set of dishes. Never bothers me that she has
>all this stuff. I say less is more because I'm the one who has to clean it.
>Glad she has it made it big, Whoopee to womankind. Go pick on a MAN, LOL,
>Love, Jeanne
>
>
>Hope my daughter never gets tired of her. At 09:19 AM 12/26/98 -0700, you
>wrote:
>>Thank you, Liz!!!! You made my day -- she's such a pain! Love, Kathy
>>-----Original Message-----
>>From: Elizabeth Patterson <eapat@ewa.net>
>>To: mol-cancer@lists.meds.com <mol-cancer@lists.meds.com>
>>Date: Friday, December 25, 1998 10:38 PM
>>Subject: [MOL] Martha Stewart Joke
>>
>>
>>>Hi molers,
>>>I just got the following on another list. I thought you all might enjoy it.
>>>Liz
>>>
>>>There was no credit for this.
>>>
>>>Dear Santa,
>>>
>>>I rarely ask for much. This year is no exception. I don't need diamond
>>>earrings, handy slicer-dicers or comfy slippers. I only one one little
>>>thing, and I want it deeply.
>>>
>>>I want to slap Martha Stewart.
>>>
>>>Now, hear me out, Santa. I won't scar her or draw blood or anything.
>>>Just one good smack, right across her smug little cheek.
>>>
>>>I get all cozy inside just thinking about it.
>>>
>>>Don't grant this wish just for me. do it for thousands of women across
>>>the country.
>>>
>>>Through sheer vicarious satisfaction, you'll be giving a gift to us all.
>>>
>>>Those of us leading average, garden variety lives aren't concerned with
>>>gracious living.
>>>
>>>We feel pretty good about ourselves if our paper plates match when we
>>>stack them on the counter, buffet-style for dinner.
>>>
>>>We're tired of Martha showing us how to make centerpieces from hollyhock
>>>dipped in 18 carat gold. We're plumb out of liquid gold. Unless it's of
>>>the furniture polish variety.
>>>
>>>We can't whip up Martha's creamy holiday sauce, spiced with turmeric.
>>>Most of us can't even say turmeric, let alone figure out what to do with
>>it.
>>>
>>>OK, Santa, maybe you think I'm being a little harsh. But I'll bet with
>>>all the holiday rush you didn't catch that interview with Martha in last
>>>week's USA Weekend.
>>>
>>>I'm surprised there was enough room on the page for her ego.
>>>
>>>We discovered that not only does Martha avoid take-out pizza (she's only
>>>ordered it once), she refuses to eat it cold (No cold pizza? Is Martha
>>>Stewart Living?) When it was pointed out that she could microwave it,
>>>she replied, "I don't have a microwave." The reporter, Jeffrey Zaslow,
>>noted
>>>that she said this "in a tone that suggests you shouldn't either."
>>>
>>>Well lah-dee-dah.
>>>
>>>Imagine that, Santa. That lovely microwave you brought me years ago, in
>>>which I've learned to make complicated dishes like popcorn and hot
>>>chocolate, has been declared undesirable by Queen Martha.
>>>
>>>What next? The coffee maker?
>>>
>>>In the article, we learned that Martha has 40 sets of dishes adorning an
>>>entire wall in her home. Forty sets. Can you spell "overkill"? And
>>>neatly put way, no less. If my dishes make it to the dishwasher, that
>>>qualifies
>>>as "put away" in my house.
>>>
>>>Martha tells us she's already making homemade holiday gifts for friends.
>>>"Last year, I made amazing silk-lined scarves for everyone," she boasts.
>>>Not just scarves, mind you. Amazing scarves. Martha's obviously not shy
>>>about giving herself a little pat on the back. In fact, she does so with
>>such
>>>frequency that one has to wonder if her back is black and blue.
>>>
>>>She goes on to tell us that "homemaking is glamour for the 90s" and says
>>>her most glamorous friends are "interested in stain removal, how to iron
>>>a monogram, how to fold a towel."
>>>
>>>I have one piece of advice, Martha: get new friends.
>>>
>>>Glamorous friends fly to Paris on a whim. They drift past the Greek
>>>Islands on yachts, sipping champagne from crystal goblets. They step out
>>>for the evening in shimmering satin gowns, whisked away by tuxedoed
>>>chauffeurs. They do not spend their days pondering the finer art of toilet
>>>bowel
>>>sanitation.
>>>
>>>Zaslow notes that Martha was named one of America's 25 most influential
>>>people by Time magazine (nosing out Mother Thersa, Madeline Allbright
>>>and Maya Angelou, no doubt) The proof of Martha's influence: after she
>>>bought white-fleshed peaches in the supermarket, Martha says, "People saw
>>>me buy them. In an instant, they were all gone."
>>>
>>>I hope Martha never decides to jump off a bridge.
>>>
>>>A guest in Martha's home told Zaslow how Martha gets up early to roller
>>>blade with her dogs to pick fresh wild blackberries for breakfast.
>>>
>>>This confirms what I've suspected about Martha all along: She's
>>>obviously got too much time on her hands. Teaching the dogs to roller
>>>blade. What a show off.
>>>
>>>If you think the dogs are spoiled, listen to how Martha treats her
>>>friends: She gave one friend all 272 books from the Knopf Everyman Library.
>>It
>>>didn't cost much. Pocket change, really. Just $5,000. But what price
>>>friendship, right?
>>>
>>>When asked if others should envy her, Martha replies, "Don't envy me.
>>>I'm doing this because I'm a natural teacher. You shouldn't envy teachers.
>>>You should listen to them."
>>>
>>>Zaslow must have slit a seam in Martha's ego at this point, because once
>>>the hot air came hissing out, it couldn't be held back. "Being an
>>>overachiever is nothing despicable. It is only admirable. Never lower
>>>your standards," says Martha.
>>>
>>>And of her Web Page on the Internet, Martha declares herself an
>>>"important presence" as she graciously helps people organize their sad,
>>tacky
>>>little lives.
>>>
>>>There you have it, Santa. If there was ever someone who deserved a good
>>>smack, it's Martha Stewart.
>>>
>>>But I bet I won't get my gift this year.
>>>Shadow-
>>>
>>>
>>>===========================================================================
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