Well, I won't kiss her ass but I do like eating the results of her recipes
even though I have only one set of dishes. Never bothers me that she has
all this stuff. I say less is more because I'm the one who has to clean it.
Glad she has it made it big, Whoopee to womankind. Go pick on a MAN, LOL,
Love, Jeanne
Hope my daughter never gets tired of her. At 09:19 AM 12/26/98 -0700, you
wrote:
>Thank you, Liz!!!! You made my day -- she's such a pain! Love, Kathy
>-----Original Message-----
>From: Elizabeth Patterson <eapat@ewa.net>
>To: mol-cancer@lists.meds.com <mol-cancer@lists.meds.com>
>Date: Friday, December 25, 1998 10:38 PM
>Subject: [MOL] Martha Stewart Joke
>
>
>>Hi molers,
>>I just got the following on another list. I thought you all might enjoy it.
>>Liz
>>
>>There was no credit for this.
>>
>>Dear Santa,
>>
>>I rarely ask for much. This year is no exception. I don't need diamond
>>earrings, handy slicer-dicers or comfy slippers. I only one one little
>>thing, and I want it deeply.
>>
>>I want to slap Martha Stewart.
>>
>>Now, hear me out, Santa. I won't scar her or draw blood or anything.
>>Just one good smack, right across her smug little cheek.
>>
>>I get all cozy inside just thinking about it.
>>
>>Don't grant this wish just for me. do it for thousands of women across
>>the country.
>>
>>Through sheer vicarious satisfaction, you'll be giving a gift to us all.
>>
>>Those of us leading average, garden variety lives aren't concerned with
>>gracious living.
>>
>>We feel pretty good about ourselves if our paper plates match when we
>>stack them on the counter, buffet-style for dinner.
>>
>>We're tired of Martha showing us how to make centerpieces from hollyhock
>>dipped in 18 carat gold. We're plumb out of liquid gold. Unless it's of
>>the furniture polish variety.
>>
>>We can't whip up Martha's creamy holiday sauce, spiced with turmeric.
>>Most of us can't even say turmeric, let alone figure out what to do with
>it.
>>
>>OK, Santa, maybe you think I'm being a little harsh. But I'll bet with
>>all the holiday rush you didn't catch that interview with Martha in last
>>week's USA Weekend.
>>
>>I'm surprised there was enough room on the page for her ego.
>>
>>We discovered that not only does Martha avoid take-out pizza (she's only
>>ordered it once), she refuses to eat it cold (No cold pizza? Is Martha
>>Stewart Living?) When it was pointed out that she could microwave it,
>>she replied, "I don't have a microwave." The reporter, Jeffrey Zaslow,
>noted
>>that she said this "in a tone that suggests you shouldn't either."
>>
>>Well lah-dee-dah.
>>
>>Imagine that, Santa. That lovely microwave you brought me years ago, in
>>which I've learned to make complicated dishes like popcorn and hot
>>chocolate, has been declared undesirable by Queen Martha.
>>
>>What next? The coffee maker?
>>
>>In the article, we learned that Martha has 40 sets of dishes adorning an
>>entire wall in her home. Forty sets. Can you spell "overkill"? And
>>neatly put way, no less. If my dishes make it to the dishwasher, that
>>qualifies
>>as "put away" in my house.
>>
>>Martha tells us she's already making homemade holiday gifts for friends.
>>"Last year, I made amazing silk-lined scarves for everyone," she boasts.
>>Not just scarves, mind you. Amazing scarves. Martha's obviously not shy
>>about giving herself a little pat on the back. In fact, she does so with
>such
>>frequency that one has to wonder if her back is black and blue.
>>
>>She goes on to tell us that "homemaking is glamour for the 90s" and says
>>her most glamorous friends are "interested in stain removal, how to iron
>>a monogram, how to fold a towel."
>>
>>I have one piece of advice, Martha: get new friends.
>>
>>Glamorous friends fly to Paris on a whim. They drift past the Greek
>>Islands on yachts, sipping champagne from crystal goblets. They step out
>>for the evening in shimmering satin gowns, whisked away by tuxedoed
>>chauffeurs. They do not spend their days pondering the finer art of toilet
>>bowel
>>sanitation.
>>
>>Zaslow notes that Martha was named one of America's 25 most influential
>>people by Time magazine (nosing out Mother Thersa, Madeline Allbright
>>and Maya Angelou, no doubt) The proof of Martha's influence: after she
>>bought white-fleshed peaches in the supermarket, Martha says, "People saw
>>me buy them. In an instant, they were all gone."
>>
>>I hope Martha never decides to jump off a bridge.
>>
>>A guest in Martha's home told Zaslow how Martha gets up early to roller
>>blade with her dogs to pick fresh wild blackberries for breakfast.
>>
>>This confirms what I've suspected about Martha all along: She's
>>obviously got too much time on her hands. Teaching the dogs to roller
>>blade. What a show off.
>>
>>If you think the dogs are spoiled, listen to how Martha treats her
>>friends: She gave one friend all 272 books from the Knopf Everyman Library.
>It
>>didn't cost much. Pocket change, really. Just $5,000. But what price
>>friendship, right?
>>
>>When asked if others should envy her, Martha replies, "Don't envy me.
>>I'm doing this because I'm a natural teacher. You shouldn't envy teachers.
>>You should listen to them."
>>
>>Zaslow must have slit a seam in Martha's ego at this point, because once
>>the hot air came hissing out, it couldn't be held back. "Being an
>>overachiever is nothing despicable. It is only admirable. Never lower
>>your standards," says Martha.
>>
>>And of her Web Page on the Internet, Martha declares herself an
>>"important presence" as she graciously helps people organize their sad,
>tacky
>>little lives.
>>
>>There you have it, Santa. If there was ever someone who deserved a good
>>smack, it's Martha Stewart.
>>
>>But I bet I won't get my gift this year.
>>Shadow-
>>
>>
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