[MOL] Diet for PJ (hee-hee!) [03473] Medicine On Line


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[MOL] Diet for PJ (hee-hee!)



Hi, PJ! Now this diet isn't for everyone, and Marty probably won't approve,
but it does sound promising, eh? LOL! (Hey, I'm just trying to keep a way
that bad mood!) Love ya, joicy

ps
About the "Juicy" thing -- I haven't been taunted with that one since second
grade! I might of know it would come up with this group!! LOL!

---------------------

FACT: A lite beer has between 70 and 100 calories, is almost all water,
and the part that isn't water is almost pure carbohydrates.
       FACT: The average diet recommends a daily caloric intake of 1,200
calories
for women, 1,500 for men, if you want to lose the medically safe two to
three
pounds a week. On the "Beer-Me" diet, that equates to at least 12 beverages
a
day for women, and 15 for men.  A measurable goal.
       FACT: The alcohol in beer is a diuretic, which causes the water to
flush
out
almost immediately, leading to a consistent workout regimen including deep
knee

bends (getting out of the chair), fast walking (getting to the bathroom) and
squats (as the case may be).
       FACT: Drinking beer actually helps you sleep-even when you aren't
necessarily
tired.  All that added rest is certain to help any problems you may have
experienced in sleep deprivation, counting calories on those other fad
diets.
In  addition, you may experience the occasional  "How did I get here?" when
you

wake up, which always makes for lively conversation, and possibly additional
exercise if you have to sneak out and run home.
       FACT: The "Beer-Me" diet is good for your heart.  After just one day
of
consuming your required 12-15 beers, you will certainly want to consume some
aspirin, which is medically proven to help prevent heart attacks.
       FACT: On the "Beer-Me" diet you can eat anything you want. The only
rule
is
that you cannot consume any food until you have consumed at least half of
the
day's required beers. This way the food will probably only stay in your
body a
short time, until you again exercise the deep knee bends, quick walk and,
this
time, the "lean-over-and-hurl" stomach crunches.
       FACT: Beer drinking is often done in bars, where other forms of
exercise
are
common.  Dancing, for example, is a good way to build up a thirst, as is
chasing members of the opposite sex. If you really want to maximize your
workout, try actually walking up to the bar, versus using a waitress.  To
take
this to the extreme, you could even get up and get someone else a
beer-perhaps
someone who is newer to the diet plan than yourself.
       FACT: Beer is cheaper than Jenny Craig.  Based on these facts, let's
run
through a given scenario for diet implementation.

CAUTION: This is a weekend diet plan, and should be attempted during the
work
week by only the staunchest of dieters.

       MONDAY THROUGH THURSDAY: Eat junk food and basically be a slob.
       FRIDAY: Feeling "huge," swing by the liquor store and stock up.  Go
to
favorite
place of beer drinking and begin the consumption process (remember 12 for
women,
15 for men).
       SATURDAY (a.m.): Wake up (as required) and lounge around all day,
feeling
slightly smaller after expunging any food that you may have accidentally
consumed (particularly if it involved beef jerky from 7-11). Take aspirin.
Notice that you have absolutely no interest in food, anyway.
       SATURDAY (p.m.): Restart cycle, noticing that your appetite has still
not
returned.  Perhaps only meet half of your consumption goal  due to an
ongoing
discussion with "the dog that bit you." This is a good thing, as only half-
consumption means less than 1,000 calories for the day, and you still don't
feel hungry.
       SUNDAY (a.m.): Wake up for mandatory sports day. This is a very
convenient diet
during football season, but it can be successfully implemented year-round.
There
is some major professional sport being played every day of the year except
the
day before and the day after the Major League All-Star game (fact-look it
up).

Consumption on this day should be paced to cover the entire day-you don't
want
to peak too soon.  Again you notice a lack of appetite, and are feeling
thinner

all the time.  Don't forget the aspirin.
       MONDAY:  Return to work, feeling thinner, well rested, and
surprisingly
mellow.
Mark your log book, and begin preparation for the upcoming weekend.

Happy dieting!!!

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