-----Original Message-----
From: Dorothy Wodrich <dorothy@ct.lia.net>
To: List Members <nat-div@gp.org.au>
Date: Monday, 23 November 1998 21:58
Subject: Received this from a friend in the States.
>Q; What does HMO stand for?
> A. This is actually a variation of the phrase, "Hey, Moe" Its
>roots
>go back to a concept pioneered by Doctor Moe Howard, who discovered that
>a
>patient could be made to forget about the pain in his foot if he was
>poked
>hard enough in the eyes. Modern practice replaces the physical finger
>poke
>with hi-tech equivalents such as voice mail and referral slips, but the
>result remains the same.
>
>
>Q. Do all diagnostic procedures require pre-certification?
> A. No. Only those you need.
>
>Q. I just joined a new HMO. How difficult will it be to choose the
>doctor
>I want?
> A. Just slightly more difficult than choosing yourparents. Your
>insurer will provide you with a book listing all the doctors who were
>participating in the plan at the time the information was gathered.
>These
>doctors basically fall into two categories -- those who are no longer
>accepting new patients, and those who will see you but are no longer
>part
>of the plan. But don't worry -- the remaining doctor who is still in
>the
>plan and accepting new patients has an office just a half day's drive
>away|
>
>Q. What are preexisting conditions?
> A. This is a phrase used by the grammatically challenged when they
>want to talk about existing conditions. Unfortunately, we appear to be
>pre-stuck with it.
>
> Q. Well, can I get coverage for my preexisting conditions?
> A. Certainly, as long as they don't require any treatment.
>
>Q. What happens if I want to try alternative forms of medicine?
> A. You'll need to find alternative forms of payment.
>
>Q. My pharmacy plan only covers generic drugs, but I need the name
>brand. I
>tried the generic medication, but it gave me a stomach ache. What should
>I
>do?
> A. Poke yourself in the eye.
>
>Q. I have an 80/20 plan with a $200 deductible and a $2,000 yearly cap.
>My insurer reimbursed the doctor for my outpatient surgery but I'd
>already
>paid my bill. What should I do?
> A. You have two choices. Your doctor can sign the reimbursement
>check over to you, or you can ask him to invest the money for you in one
>of
>those great offers that only doctors and dentists hear about, like
>windmill
>farms or frog hatcheries
>
>Q. What should I do if I get sick while traveling?
> A. Try sitting in a different part of the bus.
>
>Q. No, I mean what if I'm away from home and I get sick?
> A. You really shouldn't do that. You'll have a hard time seeing
>you
>primary care physician. It's best to wait until you return, and then
>get
>sick.
>
>Q. I think I need to see a specialist, but my doctor insists he can
>handle
>my problem. Can a general practitioner really perform a heart
>transplant
>right in his office?
> A. Hard to say, but considering that all you're out is the $10
>co-payment, there's no harm giving him a shot at it.
>
>Q. What accounts for the largest portion of health care costs?
> A. Doctors trying to recoup their investment losses.
>
>Q. Will health care be any different in the next century?
> A. No, but if you call right now, you might get an appointment by
>then.
>
>
>*********************************
>Blessed are the flexible for they can tie themselves in knots.
>*********************************
>
>
------------------------------------------------------------------------
This is an automatically-generated notice. If you'd like to be removed
from the mailing list, please visit the Medicine-On-Line Discussion Forum
at <http://www.meds.com/con_faq.html>, or send an email message to:
majordomo@lists.meds.com
with the subject line blank and the body of the message containing the line:
unsubscribe mol-cancer your-email-address
where the phrase your-email-address is replaced with your actual email
address.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
